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If you’ve been paying close attention you might remember that back in May I wrote about how it felt a bit odd to be talking about gratitude when it wasn’t November, the month in which we celebrate Thanksgiving.
And yet, here it is November now, and we’re back to the topic of gratitude. What’s up with that? Didn’t we do a good enough job covering the subject back in May?
Whatever may happen after death, we know that our lives continue on in the memories of those who loved us, and whose lives we touched. Memorial services are celebrations of life, at time to honor the loved one who has passed, and to affirm the bonds of community, memory and hope that sustain us in sorrow. Memorial services bring healing most powerfully when they call to mind the full reality of the person who has died, treasuring the person’s gifts and honestly acknowledging their failings. The leader of the service can create a narrative of the deceased life by listening to stories that family members and close friends have to tell and weaving those stories and the themes they bring out into the eulogy. However, it is also powerful to invite those in attendance to share their own stories, memorializing the person who has died in a very personal way.
Below are examples of elements you may wish to include in a memorial service.
Across religions and cultures people honor the transition from childhood to adulthood with ritual. For Unitarian Universalists this coming of age ceremony is usually the culmination of a process that involves the young person meeting with a mentor, studying the history of our liberal faith and, most importantly, creating a statement of beliefs to share with their congregation. Rather that asking young people to affirm a creed, we ask them to think carefully about what they hold to be true, and the principles that guide their choices. Families which do not belong to local congregations may, however, wish to create a ceremony with and for a young people who are coming into their full capacity to choose their religious beliefs. Also, check out this podcast from The VUU where our guests talk about Coming of Age.
Below are examples of various elements you may wish to include in a coming of age ceremony.
When a child joins a family through birth or adoption, not only is that family forever changed, but also the community in which that family lives is widened and enriched. Because baptism is conceived of as a sacrament that washes away the stain of original sin, and Unitarian Universalists affirm the inherent worth of every person rather than their innate sinfulness, we do not baptize children (or adults). We do, however, ceremonially welcome babies and older children into this world, and into the community which holds them, offering our lifelong commitment to the nurture of each child. A baby dedication is a joyful ritual which affirms that each new person is a gift and which celebrates the covenant of family and community.
Below are examples of various elements you might wish to include in a baby dedication ceremony.
“The world is full of suffering; it is also full of overcoming it.”
—Helen Keller
I am honored to be a part of a inclusive religious tradition that values not only the worth and dignity of all people but that also actively seeks to affirm and invite diversity, which is not always the case for those of us who grew up in more exclusive religious paradigms.
There are, still, many religious institutions which cling to a dying worldview that people who are not heterosexual are not normal. Or they take it a step further, and say that lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgendered persons are an abomination to God.
This is a sad and harmful stance, and it leaves a trail of pain and suffering for those who have endured such teachings. Some of us have been able to escape the bonds of belief systems that condemn us through religious hate-speak.
As an “escapee,” I offer you words of comfort: You are not an abomination. You are not flawed. You are good and worthy, and you deserve to live life in an unfragmented fashion—as who you are, knowing that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” that you are loved, and that you deserve to be happy and whole—as well as confident that you deserve to walk your own spiritual path with authenticity.
“Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before, but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God.”
—Ram Dass
Just as much as marriage, divorce or separation can be a holy choice. When divorce is grounded in deep reflection and care, it can be an expression of love and commitment to life. The covenant of committed partnership is an important one, to be honored and respected. However, ’till death do us part,’ is not a vow to cling to, if the relationship itself is causing death.
A belief in continuing revelation in our search for truth and meaning says that, when new information becomes clear to us, honoring that information is a spiritual path to be followed.
“What people here experienced in the years after Katrina was unique in countless ways—just as the storm and its aftereffects was a disaster unprecedented in U.S. history. But what we have seen are heightened struggles over the same concerns faced by folks everywhere: education, health care, housing, workers’ rights, criminal justice, and the privatization of public services and resources.”
—Jordan Flaherty, Floodlines: Community and Resistance from Katrina to the Jena Six
A disaster strikes fiercely and suddenly. It shatters our homes and property. It puts an end to many community services. It plays havoc with our interiors. A disaster leads people into and through stages of despair. Our once-so-comfortable-existence is replaced with anger, grief, frustration, and confusion. Looking back, I now see this after the disaster calamity as a null zone. In many cases a null zone impinges into the life of those who try to reconstitute themselves after the disaster.
The basic human instinct to recover, return, and rebuild motivates people after the disaster. Unfortunately, the situation around them is not normal; in fact, it is far from being anything like “normal.”
Tragic images,
a crying sound in my ear,
and I turn to ice.
Have you ever felt frozen after hearing the news of a traumatic event or catastrophe After the sadness and reality of the situation have settled in, you’ve probably also experienced the sinking feeling that there isn’t anything you can do to “fix” the problem.
We hate acknowledging that difficult truth.
Coming face to face with existential powerlessness turns our worldview upside-down. It confronts a sense of security that we depend on and, in fact, spend much of our time trying to build.
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Quest for Meaning is a program of the Church of the Larger Fellowship (CLF).
As a Unitarian Universalist congregation with no geographical boundary, the CLF creates global spiritual community, rooted in profound love, which cultivates wonder, imagination, and the courage to act.