The Gift of Receiving
Podcast: Download (3.1MB)
Subscribe: More
I used to have a hard time letting people do anything for me. I’d work on my own house, repair my own car—I will admit, in years gone by that was largely because I couldn’t afford to pay anyone.
But the issue is bigger than that. I had a hard time letting people give me anything. I would demur. I would say “Oh no, no, you needn’t; Thanks, but no thanks.”
Receiving
Podcast: Download (6.4MB)
Subscribe: More
When I was three or four, my older brother Kevin was in kindergarten. He got to do so many interesting things, while I stayed home.
One day he got to go to with his class on a field trip to the local Sunbeam Bread bakery (factory). Later that evening, before dinner, he told us about his adventure—how he got to see the dough rising in the pans and how the pans rolled into the oven on conveyer belts.
A Gratuitous Duck
Podcast: Download (4.1MB)
Subscribe: More
Maybe I don’t get out much. But I have always heard the word gratuitous associated with “gratuitous sex and violence” in movies I don’t want to see. Other negative connotations include a gratuitous insult or a gratuitous humiliation.
The definition I always assumed was that gratuitous meant unnecessary, arbitrary, indefensible, senseless, and unjustifiable. Until I purchased a gratuitous duck.
Gerda’s Raspberry
Podcast: Download (3.2MB)
Subscribe: More
I stopped at the Holocaust Memorial, something I had previously walked quickly past. Names of hundreds of thousands of survivors towered over me, neatly written on giant plexiglass monuments. At eye level, sayings and quotes by survivors are etched into the structures.
From Your Minister
Podcast: Download (6.6MB)
Subscribe: More
I still remember the Christmas I was in the 8th grade. There was a box under the tree, a large box, the kind that clothing came in.
I was quite excited about that box. Shaking it in the days leading up to Christmas affirmed that it was clothing—that particular swoosh that fabric makes moving from side to side in a big box, with the faint sound of tissue paper around it.
The Careless Candle
Podcast: Download (2.1MB)
Subscribe: More
A candle is a careless thing, God wot. See how it is always
stretching up and reaching out. Read more →
Giving and Receiving
December 2013
I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver. —Maya Angelou
Articles
A Unitarian Christmas
Each year the American Family Association (AFA) publishes a “naughty or nice” list. Companies who use Merry Christmas in their advertisements and holiday displays are on the nice list. Read more »
The Gift of Receiving
I used to have a hard time letting people do anything for me. I’d work on my own house, repair my own car—I will admit, in years gone by that was largely because I couldn’t afford to pay anyone. Read more »
Receiving
When I was three or four, my older brother Kevin was in kindergarten. He got to do so many interesting things, while I stayed home. Read more »
A Gratuitous Duck
Maybe I don’t get out much. But I have always heard the word gratuitous associated with “gratuitous sex and violence” in movies I don’t want to see. Read more »
Gerda’s Raspberry
I stopped at the Holocaust Memorial, something I had previously walked quickly past. Names of hundreds of thousands of survivors towered over me, neatly written on giant plexiglass monuments. Read more »
From Your Minister
I still remember the Christmas I was in the 8th grade. There was a box under the tree, a large box, the kind that clothing came in. Read more »
The Careless Candle
A candle is a careless thing, God wot. See how it is alwaysstretching up and reaching out. Read more »
Giving and Receiving
“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” —Maya Angelou Read more »
A Prayer for the Day After Thanksgiving
May we remember that thanks-giving isn’t a day or a celebration. May we remember that the act of giving thanks is a daily commitment, an intentional act of love, a spiritual practice of sorts, and an understanding that we are all a little broken, that we are all desperately in need of grace. The act of giving thanks is gritty and clumsy, awkward and vulnerable, constant and filled with kind truth.
May we remember that gratitude is a peaceful appreciation for the absolute privilege of life, with its inherent flaws, messiness, and organized chaos. May we remember that gratitude isn’t just obligatory thank-you’s for gifts and favors or bold professions of our blessings. Gratitude is a deeply felt inner truth, a delicate art form to be practiced, and refined over the course of a lifetime.
As we move further into the holiday season, may we remember that it is a season of gratitude, abundantly full of the connective fibers of life and the very essence of what it means to be alive.
Tornados, Typhoons, and Straw Dogs: Giving Thanks With Some Thinking
Thanksgiving American style. The day declared a national holiday for the purpose of giving thanks. Despite the best efforts of those of a theocratic bent, who or what to thank remains open to interpretation.
My thanks goes to the universe that just keeps cranking out good things. As the fifth chapter of the Daodejing puts it,
The space between
sky and earth is empty,
like a bellows, moving
and moving, and
out comes more.
That’s something to be thankful for. Yet problems begin when all of that “more” between earth and sky begins to get divvied up. And, Thanksgiving being a national holiday, I can’t help thinking of the portion of the universe’s “more” taken by this particular nation and how that “more” is divvied up within our borders. It its harsh realism the Daodejing says,
The universe is neither
“good” nor “evil” outside
of human standards.
The universe treats all things
like so many straw dogs.
Recent survivors of various weather-related calamities might agree with that. Then there are these next lines:
Earthly rulers treat people
like so many straw dogs.
Well, maybe in the China of 400 BCE rulers treated people like so many straw dogs, but here in the US . . . Oh, wait. There was that government shutdown. There is that sequestration. There is that surveillance. Those drones. Oh, and then there’s work on Thanksgiving. And Black Friday. Rising poverty. Rising hunger. Straw dogs.
For Daoists, the answer is clear: the universe itself has no morality—it is neither good nor evil, and governments almost inevitably act in self-interest without regard to the greater good. It’s not what we learn in school, but evidence indicates another story.
I lost my childhood faith for the “big guy in the sky” when I began to suspect the moral calculus of the universe. When I began to suspect that “good” and “evil” are thoughts only in the human mind.
Does “god,” or does “god” not, decide who gets the cookies? And what is the basis for that judgement? Nation of birth? Social class? Skin tone? Religious affiliation?
Is it a moral act to thank such of deity for choosing me? Or my nation? My social class? My skin tone?
It’s not that I’m not thankful. But I’m not thankful to a deity that would put one child in Switzerland and another in Somalia. Such a deity does not deserve thanks, however mysterious “his” ways might be. And a deity that merely reflects the workings of the bellows of the universe? What’s the point?
Government? Yes, I grew up with those cardboard Pilgrims with their very white faces taped to the classroom windows. I understand what I was supposed to take away. Am I thankful to a government that protects the rapacious while ignoring the basic humanity of most of its citizens? Not so much.
Where might the thanks go? To luck? To fortune? To randomness? To that bellows that just keeps pumping?
Perhaps, finally, all we can do is watch and try as hard as we may to resist cynicism and complicity with the powers of what we human beings view as evil.
Here’s the advice to the Daoist:
Take care of what
is within yourself;
the outside will never
stop moving
and moving.
Thankfulness in the face of what we human beings call good and evil must serve as a reminder to think through who and what is dividing up the blessings. Yes, tornados and typhoons sweep away both the good and the bad. The universe treats us all like so many straw dogs. We find ourselves enmeshed in systems of oppression. Our choice is our work against those systems, and how we treat each other.
In the Need of Prayer
In the past few days, I have asked friends and colleagues to pray for a young man they have never met. One of my dearest friends (we will call him S.) is currently on life support in California after a horrible accident. His wife sits by his side as family and friends from all around the world wait for him to come out of a coma. They are in our thoughts without ceasing; and are the subject of so many prayers.
The irony is that S. is not an especially spiritually-inclined person. I have been thinking about what he would say about all these folks offering prayers on his behalf. I’m sure he would be touched, but he might also be amused or even a little annoyed. S. is fiercely devoted to his Jewish tradition, but holds little credence in the super natural. I’ve found myself talking to him directly, trying to reach him wherever he is. I’ve asked him to fight, to heal, to come back to us. I’ve prayed in English and in Hebrew. I have candles lit 24/7. I’ve pleaded with God to watch over him, to heal him, to bring him back to us. In conversation of sorts with S., I have been reflecting on the nature of prayer and why it feels so crucial to me right now.
Three reflections:
- Ann Ulanov calls prayer “primary speech.” “It is basic and fundamental,” she says, “our ground.” In prayer, she says, “who and what we are speak out of us…To pray is to listen to and hear this self who is speaking.”1 Accessing the deepest parts of ourselves, we ground ourselves in our humanness, open ourselves to our most fundamental being and speak the first language of our hearts. Prayer like this is often silent; it is wordless and timeless, connecting us to what is, was, and will be.
- Anne Lamott tells us that there are three prayers: “Help, Thanks, and Wow.”2 Over the past few days, I have found that often all I can manage is “Help,” repeating it over and over in the pre-dawn darkness as I feed my newborn daughter and pray for the man we call “Uncle.”
- And as our community begins a daily practice of sending thoughts and prayers to S. and his family at the same time, twice each day, I am struck by how prayer, however it is offered, makes it so we are not alone. Over the years, I have become a reluctant believer in the “power of prayer,” without understanding what that power might be. I do know the power of being kept in prayer and of holding others in prayer. I am more than grateful to all those who do not know S. or his family and are praying for them – sending love and thoughts, concentrating energy and imploring the life force or God or Love to surround them with care and compassion, strength and courage, comfort and peace. Deep down, I think S. is probably grateful too.
A Prayer for Today:
Sprit of Life and of Love,
Grant us courage where there is fear,
Compassion where there is division,
Peace where there is chaos.
May we find the strength to love one another fiercely,
Wildly and without abandon.
May we be granted the wisdom to know our hearts
And to speak our truths.
May we watch over each other,
Assuring each other that we are truly not alone,
But loved and cared for beyond measure.
May our hands be your hands, O God,
Our hearts filled to overflowing with your love.
Help us to love one another well,
To face the valleys together,
To climb the hills in tandem,
To ask for what we need,
And to receive abundance.
May we lift our heart voices in prayer:
Imploring help,
Extending gratitude,
Exclaiming awe.
For this life that we share,
Even in its darkest hours,
We give thanks.
Amen
Notes
1. Ulanov, Ann and Barry Ulanov. Primary Speech: A Psychology of Prayer. Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1982.
2. Lamott, Anne. Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers. New York: Penguin Press, 2012.
