Taking Ownership
Ralph Waldo Emerson once suggested the following: “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
Every moment, every day, holds such possibility. It holds the possibility for love, compassion, and connection with others. It also holds potential for deceit, untruths, and brokenness. Admittedly, most days are a combination of the two sides of this coin, a mixture of “good” and “bad” moments. And yes, it is important not to dwell on those moments when we are not our best selves. Perhaps it is even essential in order for us to live with intention and purpose, to focus on our positive nature and not dwell in the past.
While I appreciate the spirit with which Emerson approaches the need to let things go, I have to take issue with his message. He suggests that we forget our blunders as soon as we can, and begin the next day with “too high a spirit to be encumbered with [our] old nonsense.” But what if that takes longer than a day? Life isn’t a television show where, in 60 minutes time (45 minutes with commercials), an issue arises, blows up, and is resolved. I agree that I shouldn’t dwell on the time I blocked the intersection or sighed impatiently at the person taking too long at the ATM. But what about bigger disagreements? What about those things I did that had a bigger impact?
There are so many instances in our lives when we step on each other’s toes, overstep our boundaries, and say or do things that hurt others. We realize that our decisions, actions, or behaviors have had a negative impact on another person. We realize that we have contributed to the sense of brokenness that exists there, in that moment. Oftentimes we wish we could take it back, turn back the hands of time, behave differently, or choose different words. But, unfortunately, the time has passed and the opportunity to change that moment is gone.
So why is it so difficult to move on from that moment and just make a different decision next time? I think, perhaps, because the brokenness stays with us. We might even try to “get over it” or “let it go”. That is easier said than done.
Our lives are made up of an intricate web of relationships. As humans we are inherently social beings. And when we harm others that foundation of our relationship can be shaken, it can lose its strength. So I suggest an alternative version of Emerson’s statement. I suggest that we strive to start the next day with the resolution that we will strive for connection, take ownership of our wrongdoing, and seek to make amends. I suggest that we atone for the wrongdoing or harm we have caused, for our contribution we have made to the brokenness in this world. Sometimes that isn’t possible in a direct way, but often it is possible in indirect ways.
We cannot dwell on those times of brokenness in our lives, but we must take ownership of them. In doing so, and in being mindful of our actions, we make a commitment to strive toward healing. If right relationship is the goal in our interactions with others, we must take responsibility in maintaining that foundation. Yes, we can move on when we make mistakes, but not without acknowledging the impact they had on others, and striving to make things right.
- Freedom and Responsibility - March 8, 2013
- Reintegration - March 8, 2013
- Reintegration - March 8, 2013
