Accepting Help
“We hear all the time that it is blessed to give. Sometimes, though, we give a blessing when we allow ourselves to receive from others.”
Our Unitarian Universalist 7th principle tells us that we are not alone, that we are part of an interdependent web of existence. Our theology tells us that it is not enough to take care of our own lives, we are also called to build the beloved community through our relationships with others. Deservedly, we take pride in our willingness to reach out to others, to help someone in need.
These are noble ideas to which we aspire. Sometimes, though, we are faced with a different type of call—the call to receive the help and support of others.
When we are the ones who need help, it may feel like our worth and dignity are at stake. We mistakenly feel that to receive help is to lose our dignity. But allowing others to minister to us affirms the worth of all involved.
Personal Story
When one of my children was in the hospital, it was tempting to “circle the wagons,” as we say in the West. To draw together with my little family and close ourselves off from the rest of the world. But we needed others, on many levels.
Neighbors and church members descended on our home with food for our freezer, offers to babysit our other children, little gifts to show their concern and care. It was overwhelming. “I’m the person who makes the casseroles,” I said to a friend, “not the person who takes them.” When people asked how they could help, the words that sprang readily from my lips were “Oh, nothing, we’re fine!” Of course, we weren’t fine, but that was beside the point, I thought. Better to put on a brave face, and be my normal independent self.
My friend asked me to remember how I felt when I delivered something to a person in need. “Well, I felt good,” I admitted. “I felt like I was able to do something, I was able to help in some way.” She pointed out that for me to turn down the offers of help, I was stealing that feeling away from those who wanted to show us their love. Hmm, I thought. That was a different way to look at it. In receiving, I could be giving?
There is a metaphor that has circulated for several years now, called “Footprints,” in which a person looks back on their life as if looking at a beach, and notices that during the hard times, there is only one set of footprints. In this metaphor, God says those are the times when he carried the person.
I don’t mean to take away from the people for whom this metaphor has power, but my experience was a little different. For one thing, I never felt carried. Every day, I had to get up and keep putting one foot in front of another. I had a little daughter who depended on me.
But when I look back on that time, I don’t see one set of footprints or even two. I see hundreds. All the people who mailed cards, sent casseroles and gift cards for pizza, who prayed for us, thought of us, visited us, and cared for us. They let us know that we were not alone.
A Prayer
Spirit of Life, whom we call by different names, but who calls each of us “beloved”:
We give gratitude for those who enter into our journeys with us – family members, medical personnel, friends, and neighbors. May our hearts be open so that we may accept help that is offered. May our eyes be opened so that we may see the opportunities where we can help others. And may we be in relationships with others so we all know we are not alone. Amen.
A Spiritual Practice
Journaling: Write about a time when you helped someone else. Explore the feelings you had about this at the time, and how you feel about the experience now. How does that affect your emotions around receiving support from others? What are the “gifts” you may be giving others in receiving their blessings?
Life can be painful, and difficult. May you receive the blessing of being part of the interdependent web of life and hear the footsteps of those who walk the journey with you.
- The Exquisite Joy of Being Miserable - May 21, 2012
- Realities of a New Baby - November 11, 2011
- Accepting Help - November 11, 2011
