Boldly Co-Existing with Mental Illness
Broken Expectations
When I was a kid, my family called me the count. Whenever I was bored, I would count things. I counted all the lights in the sanctuary of my church, all the cars going the other way on the road, and all the birds eating stale bread off our deck. I would occasionally announce to my family, “there are 11 birds out there.” They would smile, look knowingly at each other, and tell me that was nice.
I wonder if my announcements changed them at all. I wonder if it influenced how they saw the single sparrow, when I announced there were 10 just like it fluttering nearby. At the time, I was so excited at my ability to gather this data that I felt compelled to announce it to anyone who happened to be nearby. I never thought about the effect I could have on the people around me by announcing the results of my count.
I am having a spiritual crisis. I am losing my grip on my expectations. At first, I thought my life had become too segregated; I was simply surrounded by too many people like me. But I think the problem is deeper.
Living with Mental Illness
“The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”
—Albert Camus
Sisyphus was a Greek god famous for his trickery and deceit. When he died he was condemned by the gods to roll an enormous rock to the top of a mountain every day for all eternity. Every day he would roll it up the mountain and then the rock would roll back down to the bottom.
Albert Camus likened Sisyphus to an absurd hero; because he knows what will happen after the rock is rolled to the top, yet he remains content in doing so. What the gods intended as punishment, Sisyphus does not see as such.
Our faith teaches us that we are seekers. There are no definitive answers. There is no correct path. In this way, our faith demands a lot from us. Our faith does not give us a savior, we must find our own.
The same is true of mental illness. It is a journey. There are no definitive answers. There is no correct path. Our illnesses demand a lot from us. There are no universally guaranteed medications or treatments; we must find what works for us.
