Thinking too Hard
This past summer was the first that my son Adam, who is autistic, didn’t go to camp. At 19, he let us know that he was ready to move on from this kind of experience. He had been working at the local public library a few hours a week during the school year, and he was happy to continue with his job and a program at the high school. So far so good.
The unintended consequence of this transition for Adam was that he has gained an unhealthy amount of weight. Swimming is one of his loves, and I didn’t realize how much exercise he got at camp. It became clear when we made the move from his summer to fall clothes, which no longer fit.
Transformation Through Autism
“Only the broken heart has the ghost of a chance to grieve, to forgive, to long, to transform.” –Christina Baldwin
I don’t know of anything that has changed me as radically as becoming a parent. When the babies were born, everything changed. Many of the changes were expected—sleepless nights, a focus on the endless cycle of feeding-and-changing, a new identity and priorities, a different relationship with my spouse, and then more sleepless nights. There were unexpected changes, too, and these required more than a modified sleep schedule or a safer car.
As I gained the understanding that my son Adam was developing differently from his twin brother and most children, when I began hearing from medical professionals that his potential and possibilities in life would be “significantly reduced,” I began the process that would change how I see the world and myself. For a time, all I could do was feel my loss and honor my grief.
Parenting a Child with Autism
“You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you.”
—Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life
What do we want for our children? There is no one answer for all of us, and our individual answers likely change as we watch a child change and grow into a person with particular wants and needs.
But at a very basic level, I believe there are some things most of us would agree we want for our children—love and happiness, perhaps, are a good place to start. Sure, we know that no life escapes heartbreak or sorrow, but our hope is that the scales will tip in the direction of love and happiness.
