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When I was released from prison the first time, I had been away from society and my family for ten years. I was incarcerated when I was 15, and as a young adult, suddenly thrust back out into the community, I felt bewildered and lost. My family was a great support, but the sense of not belonging was overwhelming. I remember sitting upstairs in the library at the college I was attending, staring out the window, watching the other students. I don’t belong here, I used to think. Even in my family’s living room I still felt like I didn’t belong. There’s such a sense of isolation and loneliness in that. At least in prison I felt like I wasn’t alone, and that’s where I returned.

Yet that didn’t stop this incredibly sad ache. Where do I belong? Jesus said “Seek and you will find,” and as I searched I discovered I belonged in the unity of God. This discovery filled a deep longing, but I began to want a community of my own. I said, God, are you sure you accept me? I’m different. I’m a lesbian. I’m an ex con. I believe you’re in the wind, in classic poetry, in Jesus’ suffering and the Buddha’s enlightenment. God said, I’m sure. Then I saw a flaming chalice by chance and out of curiosity researched its meaning. Now my belonging feels complete, because God brought me to others that accept me, as an outward sign, as proof of God’s love and acceptance of me.

By Jennifer T., CLF prisoner member