Living As If
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Back when I was still new to Texas I met up with black eyed peas for the first time. I was not impressed. Despite the seasonings, to my Upper Midwestern palate they tasted like dirt. So I avoided black eyed peas for several years, until I was talking with a friend from Alabama and the subject of the peas came up. I probably wrinkled my nose and said “I don’t get what the fuss is all about. They taste like mud.” My friend tipped her head and said “Well, that’s part of their charm.” Hmmmm… Once I realized that it was part of their charm, I tried them again, but this time approached them as if that muddy taste might be charming—and within a few more tries, I was hooked. Now, I might love a red bean or a butter bean a bit more, but I have truly found the muddy charm of a black eye pea.
Living as if flies against strict rationality that tells you to deal with only and exactly what is, and encourages you to consider what might be. I consider it a way to break up my certainty and remain flexible in this world.
Consider something that is uncomfortable, annoying, muddy-tasting, or flat-out ominous, and go exploring into how you can engage or respond to it differently. In psychotherapy, this practice is called “reframing.” Cognitive reframing consists of identifying and then displacing certain thoughts with ideas or thoughts that are more positive.
It’s a useful way of reducing the power that fears have over us. Examine your thoughts and see if you can shift them in a less fearful, more affirming direction. Dreading an upcoming conversation? Think about how it might go well, how you will probably learn something that you didn’t know before, about who you want to be after the conversation. And then go have that conversation as if all of the positive things are possible. It might still be difficult, but you will have more control over how you respond to and interpret the outcome.
What about an impending snow storm? What if it gets icy? What if, while going out to pick up the newspaper, I slip on the ice and bust my backside? Yes, that is possible. But, instead, I can reframe my anticipation of the cold weather differently. If it gets icy I can stop to marvel at the ice patterns on my windows and notice how the sunlight is broken into a million shimmering rainbows on the grass in my front lawn. Perhaps then I will walk as if this world is filled with beauty instead of danger. I might also just wait for the snow to melt and read the news online, or take a cue from the weather and just not pay attention to the news for a day.
What might this mean in terms of our interactions with one another? Do you find yourself disappointed by other people on a daily basis?
How would you go about your chores and errands as if every person you will meet today has a gift—including you? What would be different if you acted as if each person matters—even a person who is really different from you? What might be different in your interactions with that person? Can you still see a spark of the divine in them, or a gift, or their simple desire to be a good person?
If your life was made difficult by another person, consider living as if that person had been trying to do their best. Most people are. They might have harmed you and made a wreck of things, but unless they were seriously unwell, they probably thought they were doing the best thing. It might take some visits with a counselor and some serious reframing work, but in time the pain can be eased.
Here’s another way I practice living as if: When we do some of our Tai Chi forms, we move in a way that imitates animals and elements of nature. We imitate birds and snakes and tigers. We create waves of water, grow like trees, rise up like mountains, and blow like the wind. I know that I am not a tree, an ocean, or a snake, but in moving as if I were, I come to understand them better. By drawing the shape of branches and leaves, or moving my arms like wings, I have more awareness of what makes a tree beautiful and what makes a bird powerful.
What would be different if you lived as if animals have feelings and important concerns? Would you have to adjust how you interpret their behaviors and your own? Would you eat them differently?
How would you conduct yourself, living as if your life were an ongoing process of discovery?
What might happen if you carried on as if there were a Great Mother who was with you during the awful moments? A love that abides with you and laughs at you and nudges you to be your best you?
What would be different if you prayed as if prayers you utter were heard by the universe and manifested as change within you and ultimately out into the world?
What might happen if you went about as if the world wanted you, was expecting you? Would you show up and participate more fully? Could you dance more freely and say “yes” more sincerely when a flower blooms at your feet?
I would suggest that all these are possibilities. It’s worth a try.
- Living As If - November 1, 2020
- Passing - June 1, 2019
- A Bright Golden Thread - July 1, 2016
Such a powerful message. Rev. Nell Newton’s talk on living AS IF gave me the hope and inspiration I was seeking. Her message gave me some concrete ways to shift my thinking, turning my life, a little at a time, into something more positive.
This was something I really needed to hear and I’m grateful, in this season our society deems as one of thanksgiving, that I found this site and Rev. Newton’s message. I’ll probably come back to hear this again, because it’s just that supportive and insightful. Thank you!