No Words Needed
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When you lose someone you love, there are some things that are just really hard to hear: They’re in a better place. Time heals all wounds. I know how you feel. These are probably the three least helpful things for someone who is grieving to hear.
Maybe they are in a better place, but it doesn’t make me miss them any less. Maybe time will heal the pain of their loss, but right now it still hurts. And maybe you have felt the pain of losing another, but if you really knew how I felt, you would not say any of those things to me right now.
That’s how I felt when I lost my mother 21 years ago, when I lost my father six years ago, and when I lost my best friend four years ago. And I imagine that’s how I’ll feel each and every time a loved one dies. But there’s nothing wrong with that.
People deal with grief in different ways. Some get angry, some get sad, and some pretend that everything is all right. None of those things are the “right way,” and none are the “wrong way.” It’s just the way we deal.
I can’t offer those grieving any great advice on how to get past the grief. And, honestly, most of them don’t want to hear it anyway. But for those who know someone who is grieving, I do have some great advice: They don’t want to hear it.
What they do want is someone they can cry with, someone whose steady presence will help them move past the anger, sorrow, pain and loss. You don’t need words for that. You don’t really need to do anything. Just be there. No words needed.
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