Remembering John
In November of 2020, Quest lost a frequent contributor, and the Church of the Larger Fellowship lost a longtime member and beloved friend. John had been incarcerated in Oklahoma for more than 20 years. Over those years he contributed his poetry and reflections to Quest, touching readers with his heartfelt sincerity, deep spiritual wisdom, keen sense of humor, and indomitable appreciation for the world’s beauty, even under the bleak conditions of life in prison. Because of the cruelty of the prison system, we don’t know the circumstances of John’s death, making grief more complicated for those who knew and loved John best.
We don’t know much about how John died, but we do know quite a lot about how he lived.
John was deeply spiritual, and spiritually grounded. He had a powerful ability to shape meaning out of even the smallest moments of living, and he shared his abundant spiritual gifts in his writing. The following excerpt is about an encounter with a house sparrow (called Jack) who was trapped in the day room of John’s prison unit. After Jack landed on John’s outstretched hand, John set him free.
Much to my surprise, he did not immediately fly off when I uncupped my hands. Instead, he just sat on my palm, hunkered down, breathing heavily. I walked across the court yard to a bench bathed in bright sunlight and sat down. He remained squatted on my palm for several minutes with his left eye staring up at me all the while. Was he staring because he wanted to remember my face in case we met again? Or was he, like me, just totally in awe by the wonder of this unusual being-to-being encounter? (From “My BFF, Jack” 2019)
John was a committed Unitarian Universalist. He discovered the faith in his fifties, while in prison, and in Unitarian Universalism he at last found his spiritual home.
Whereas I’d been stifled, indoctrinated, and led down a particular path during my previous spiritual walk, Unitarian Universalism opened new vistas and gave me a new perspective on the term ‘spiritual path.’ That is, it helped me understand a fuller meaning of Antonio Machado’s statement, “Traveler there is no path. Paths are made by walking.” Walking. Doing. Putting thoughts and ideas and beliefs into action. . . When the Church of the Larger Fellowship came into my life and I started meeting UUs, I immediately felt that I had a home. And I love that feeling. (From “Home at Last” 2016)
John had a generous and giving heart. His caring nature proved a powerful source of resilience as he endured incarceration.
Earlier in life, I said many times, “If I didn’t have to spend so much time making a living, I’d spend it helping people.” When I made that statement it never occurred to me that a prison sentence would meet that objective. So for the past two decades, I’ve helped fellow inmates in myriad ways—from writing letters to their families to explaining how to find the area of a circle so they could pass GED tests, to, sometimes, just listening to what they have to say. (From “The Joy of Melting” 2020)
John’s caring ways extended to the outside world. He was a good friend to his longtime pen pal, Sandy, and to the CLF staff, especially Beth Murray, Worthy Now administrator. Beth and John regularly corresponded, and John’s letters were often the bright spot in Beth’s work day. “While we were busy ministering to John,” Beth says, “he was busy supporting us.” In a letter from the summer of 2020, John included some sweet and comical drawings, which Beth keeps on her desk, along with this message:
May this note find you safe and well—and weathering this pandemic storm. Please know that you are in my thoughts. It is odd because I always am separated and remote from you, but for some reason, this feels ‘different.’ I care very much for each of you in my extended UU family. May blessings abound in your lives.
While John found meaning and purpose in living even under the horrific conditions of incarceration, he never stopped speaking out and pushing back against the injustice and inhumanity of the carceral state. He was especially impassioned about prison health care reform, illuminating stark deficiencies in sanitation, nutrition, and medical care and holding the system to account for its failings.
Rest in peace and freedom, John. You were loved by your UU family. You brought more than a little joy to a great many people. We grieve your death. We will remember your life.
- A Farewell Note from Rev. Jennifer - June 1, 2021
- Why Pray? - April 1, 2021
- Remembering John - March 1, 2021
