REsources for Living
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In her column, Rev. Meg talks about how mothers have a special urge toward justice, born out of a fierce love for their children that demands a world where those children—all children—can be safe and respected. I think that she’s right. Our love for our kids does move us to try to build the world that they deserve. But you know who else I think has a special call toward making justice in the world? The children themselves.
If you are a parent, how often have you heard the wailing cry, “But it’s not FAIR”? If you are a kid, those words might sound familiar as something that comes out of your own mouth. I think children have a natural understanding that life should be fair, and that it isn’t right that some people get special privileges that others don’t.
Now, a lot of the time, the cry It’s not FAIR happens when a child feels offended that they’re missing out on something that another kid has gotten. But children, for the most part, really get that fair is fair, that the rules should be structured so that everyone gets an equal chance. And they have a gut-deep sense of the wrong when a person or group of people is treated unfairly.
For those of us who are parents, teaching our kids to be justice-loving, justice-making people is not so much about convincing children that justice matters as it is about giving them the tools to live out that love of justice in the world.
I don’t have the ABCs of justice-making to give you, but here are a few “A’s” at least:
Analysis
Children need to learn how to interpret what they are told, what they read, what they see on TV or social media or video games. So practice talking back to media. Point out when ads demean women or trivialize fathers. Comment on the news if you have it on the radio in the car. Ask about the assumptions made by song lyrics or TV characters.
Ask about what they learn in school. Does the history that they are taught include perspectives and contributions from those who didn’t come out on top? Offer resources that give a more complete picture. But more than anything, teach kids to ask questions and not assume that what they see in any given text book or movie or magazine is a complete picture.
Alliance
Children get that we need each other. They understand that it’s a lot easier to stick up for yourself if you have someone who is standing with you, so help them learn how to stand with others. Role-play ways you might help someone who is being bullied by standing with them or diverting the conversation. Practice sticking up for people by saying things like, “That joke isn’t fair to…(girls, Mexicans, gay people, etc.) and I don’t think it’s funny.”
Help them to speak from their experience of connection: “That’s silly to say that all Muslims are terrorists. My doctor is Muslim, and she certainly isn’t a terrorist.” “I don’t like it when people make fun of gay people. My uncles are gay, and they’re great.” “If Jordan says he’s a boy, he’s a boy. My parents’ friend Susan used to be Jack, but now she’s Susan. It’s not that hard to call people what they want to be called.” And make sure that your own family circle of friends is broad enough that your kids have a wide range of connections to draw on.
Assurance
One of the most crucial pieces of justice-making for people of any age is trusting that our voice matters, and that we have the strength and courage to speak out for what we know is right even in the face of people who will yell at us or worse. Listen whole-heartedly when your child talks to you about a perceived injustice. Help them to analyze the situation and what they see going on. And then support them in moving toward a solution rather than feeling that you need to solve it for them. Help them figure out what a good outcome would look like, what steps might move them toward that outcome and what resources would help them to take those steps.
And let them know you will be cheering them on as they take the steps themselves, learning from both positive and negative experiences. Encourage them to try things and find out that even the hard pieces of life really don’t break us.
Building justice is the work of a lifetime—which means that it doesn’t start when we’re already grown. Our children aren’t just the ones who will be the justice makers of the future; they are also an essential part of the vast web of people, in every part of the world, who are working for justice right now. We can help and guide them, but sometimes the best we can do is to allow ourselves to be inspired and challenged and led.
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