Pre-schoolers (ages 3-5) often believe the following:
*Death is temporary and reversible.
*When someone dies, he or she is merely living under different circumstances (e.g., underground, up in heaven); the person still eats, sleeps, thinks, and feels.
*It is possible to visit with, talk to, and maintain a physical relationship with the deceased.
*Others will eventually die, but they will not.

Children of this age have no sense of the permanence of death, so you may find yourself repeating the same information over and over. ("Aunt Janey died of a heart attack, and no, she won’t be at the family reunion this year.") They also display magical thinking, in which they believe they have a lot of control over life events. As a result, they often need reassurance that they did not cause or contribute to a loved one’s death.

When a pre-schooler suffers a significant loss, he or she may respond with aggression or combativeness. It also is common for grieving pre-schoolers to regress to a younger stage of development. Furthermore, children of this age often ask many questions about the physical aspects of death, because they are trying to figure out what it means to be dead.

In general, before a significant loss occurs in a pre-schooler’s life, it is helpful to find teachable moments to introduce the concept of change and death. For example, as you walk around the church yard, point out signs of changing seasons (falling leaves) or the cycles of life. Ask the child what happened when you see a dead animal by the side of the road. Be gentle, but correct any misinformation, emphasizing that death happens to us all, and that once we die, our physical bodies never come back to life.

And don’t shy away from saying the words "die" or "death." Children are literal thinkers, and often conjure up complex images of such euphemisms as "kicked the bucket," or "been called away." "Grandma died" is much less confusing to a young child, who then can enter into a discussion of what this means physically and emotionally.

While many adults are tempted to take it easy on a grieving child, structure and clarity are comforting. If you have a child in your classroom who has experienced a significant loss, don’t excuse inexcusable behavior. Be clear about what you expect, and don’t back off from your standards for appropdate behavior. At the same time, don’t hesitate to express your sympathy and concern, even well after the time of the loss; Many people never mention a death or other significant loss after the first few weeks, which adds to the bereaved person’s sense of abandonment and isolation.

Children from about 6 to 8 intellectually understand that death is permanent and irreversible, but still believe that they are immortal. In fact, they often blame people who die for being too clumsy, too old, or physically unable to escape the monster-like figure of death. This may allow children to think about death in a more distant, and therefore more comfortable, way.

You may be surprised by the questions that children of this age ask about death. The following are typical: "If our minister was killed in a car crash, who will light the chalice? " "Since Janey died, who will sit next to me in Sunday School?" You also might notice that children’s fears and questions about death come out in their actions, not their words.

Try to avoid judgment while remaining honest, calm, and true to yourself. Remind the children that we all die, as do all living things, but that most of us will live to be quite old. Explain that sometimes the world feels out of control, but in fact we are in charge of many aspects of our health and well-being. Remind them that we have the choice to eat healthy foods and avoid obvious dangers (smoking, driving too fast, biking without a helmet, running across the street before looking both ways, etc.).

If students in your class know of a specific death and want to hear more details, don’t panic. Listen to their questions to find out what they really want to know. Also consider asking a few questions of your own: "What have you heard? What do you think happened? Why? How do you feel about this?" This can help you determine the real source of worry represented by their apparent morbid curiosity.

The curriculum for the primary grades introduces the concept of loss through an examination of nature and the cycle oflife. It offers clarification around the meaning of death, and provides ample opportunity for children to voice their concerns, fears, and questions about loss and death.

Palm Sunday begins the Christian Holy Week,which commemorates the last week of Jesus life. Several different versions of this important story are recounted in the New Testament (Matthew 21:1-9, Mark 11:1-10, Luke 19:28-38). When presenting this story to children, you will want to remind them that this is indeed a story.

Palm Sunday is a celebration of the events associated with the day when Jesus entered Jerusalem, enacting the Coming of the Messiah according to the Jewish traditions. His disciples took branches from the palm trees and placed them on the road ahead of him as he rode in on a donkey. Thus, the name Palm Sunday, a day of joy and triumph. In the seventh or eighth century, the Christian churches started the practice of blessing and distributing palm branches, which is continued in many Christian churches today.

Other events of Holy Week include Maundy (Holy) Thursday and Good Friday. Celebrations are held on Holy Thursday commemorating that day when Jesus washed the feet of his twelve friends (disciples) as he gathered with them for his last supper. The Friday before Easter commemorates the day Jesus was crucified. It is called "good" because Christians believe that Jesus atoned for the sins of the world through his death and was victorious over death.

In celebrating Palm Sunday, focus on the courage of Jesus who chose to come to Jerusalem and speak out about what he held sacred. It is important to reflect on the teachings of Jesus– the right relationship of one human being to another and of each person to her or his God, as exemplified in "The Lord’s Prayer" and in "The Golden Rule." Choose one or both of these teachings to share with the children and make it a Hosanna day.

The teachings of Jesus emphasized in this session are found in the Christian scriptures: The Golden Rule is in Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31; The New Commandment is in Matthew 22:34- 40, Mark 12:28-34, and Luke 10:25-28; and The Lord’s Prayer is in Matthew 6:9-15.

Unitarian Universalist interpretations of these teachings can be found in From Long Ago and Many Lands, edited by Sophia Lyon Fahs, and "The Lord’s Prayer," words by the Rev. Barbara Marshman.

This session engages the children in exploring the roots of the day of worship and rest–Shabbat/Sabbath. The Bible (Genesis 1 and 2) says that God created day and night, earth and sky, the sun, moon and stars, trees and plants, birds and fishes, and all the wild and gentle animals that lived on earth. When all other creations were finished, God created man and woman and called them Adam and Eve. And on the seventh day of creation, God rested from all work, and all that was created rested, too. It was the first Shabbat,the first Sabbath. It was a very peaceful and holy time.

It is likely that the Sabbath was observed before the writing of the Genesis story in sixth century B.C.E. (Before the Common Era). In agricultural societies of that time, the seventh and final day of the week was observed as a day of rest. Since the formulation of the Genesis stories from oral tradition in the fifth century B.C,E., the origin of the Sabbath has been linked with the story of creation in which God rested on the seventh day. The Jewish Shabbat is observed each week on Friday night and all day Saturday–from sunset on Friday until sunset on Saturday. Early Jewish Christians observed the Sabbath on Saturday, but Gentile Christianity gradually shifted the Sabbath to Sunday, honoring the day of Jesus’ resurrection.

This concept of the Sabbath is one of Judaism’s major contributions to the culture of the western world. Jews remember the Sabbath, and they are obeying the fourth of the Ten Commandments which says, "Six days shall you labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. You shall not do any manner of work for the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it." This concept is explored more fully in Session 23 on Shavuot.

This session uses the book The Creation by Steven Mitchell. Before the session, obtain a copy of it and familiarize yourself with the story.

Materials:
Copies of the People Puzzle. (best if copied on heavy paper or light paper glued on to cardboard) Cut the pieces apart and put all 4 pieces in an envelope.
Crayons, colored pencils, markers, and other art supplies like stickers, glitter, bits of ribbon, sequins, feathers etc.
Adhesive tape

Procedure:
Begin by making sure everyone understands that a puzzle is made up of many pieces of different sizes and shapes, and that when the pieces are put together, they make an interesting whole. Point out that a puzzle isn’t complete until all the pieces have been joined together.

Randomly give each person in the family a puzzle piece. (If you have more than 4 people, do more than one puzzle.) Have each person decorate the puzzle piece(s) however he or she chooses.

When all pieces are decorated, sit in a circle and hold up your piece. Say, “I’m looking for a piece that will join with this one.” Go around the circle until you find a piece that fits.

Before putting the pieces together, you and the person with the fitting piece must name 2 ways in which you are different (ie: hair, age, height, clothing etc.) and 2 ways you are the same (both have 10 fingers, both wearing shoes, etc.)

Next, the person with the fitting piece looks for a third piece to join with the first two. Again, the two players must name 2 ways in which they are different and 2 ways in which they are the same before they fit the pieces together. The person with the third piece then looks for the fourth and so on until all the pieces of the puzzle(s) have been completed.

Fasten the puzzle pieces together with adhesive tape. Arrange the pieces along a wall or window ledge so everyone can see them all. Talk about how each piece is different. Each is unique—like the people themselves. Yet, together they make interesting and beautiful puzzles. And together your family (or group) makes an interesting and beautiful group!

Conclude by saying something like:
"Each one of us is special and one-of-a-kind. No one is exactly like anyone else. Our differences make us interesting and unique. When we learn about our differences, and when we appreciate and value our differences, this helps us get along.”

NEARLY TWO THOUSAND years ago Jesus was born in Palestine far across the sea. Many wonder stories have been told about his birthday. This is the oldest of them all.

Mary, the young Jewish woman who became Jesus’ mother, was beautiful to look at, and a favorite among her neighbors. If someone had hunted the world over, it is believed that he could not have found a finer woman than Mary — one whose mind was so empty of ugly and mean thoughts and whose heart was so full of kindness for everyone.

Late one afternoon, as Mary sat in her garden dreaming of the time when she would become a mother, she thought she saw someone, unlike anyone she had ever seen before. He had flown like a bird with wings down into her garden and was standing before her. A light beamed about his face and his garments shone with the beautiful colors of the rainbow.

“Happy woman! Happy woman!” said the angel softly. He even called her by her name. “Mary,” he said, “You will soon have a child. He shall be a boy. You shall call his name Jesus. When he is grown he shall be a King. His kingdom shall never be destroyed or come to an end.”

When these soft words had been said, the shining angel disappeared, and Mary was left alone, trembling with wonder at this thing which was to happen to her.

Months passed by. The baby that rested in Mary’s body had grown almost, but not quite, large enough to be born. Just at this time an order came from the governor saying that Mary and Joseph, her husband, would have to go to the town of Bethlehem to take care of their taxes. This meant a journey of three or four days. Most of the time Mary could ride their little donkey. That would help, but Joseph would have to walk all the long way.

At last, late one evening, the hard journey was almost over. Mary and Joseph were nearing the town of Bethlehem. As they climbed the hill up to the town, they were happy in the thought that soon they would be able to wash their dusty hands and feet and lie down in a quiet room to sleep.

Without delay, they went to the well-known Bethlehem Inn and asked for a room. But the inn was already crowded with people. There was not a single empty room. Even the courtyard was jammed with camels, donkeys, bundles and a noisy crowd of people. Where could Mary and Joseph go? Joseph walked about exploring every nook and corner and asking from house to house. He knew that Mary was even more tired than he, and that she must have some place where she might lie down.

At last, he found a small place that was but half a room built against a hillside and open to the road. In it were two cows munching hay from the mangers in front of them. Could the travelers make use of this place and sleep with the animals? It would give them at least some cover and protection from the cold wind. They would try it.

So, Mary lighted a couple of small oil lamps and placed them in niches in the wall so that she and her husband might see what they were doing. With the flickering light from the tiny lamps, the young couple made beds of straw on the hard mud door. And tired as they could be, they lay down, covered themselves with a sheepskin blanket and tried to sleep.

Alongside them lay the cows, peacefully chewing the cud. Outside, high in the dark sky, thousands of bright stars beamed down upon them.

But the night was not far-gone when Mary was awakened. She knew the time had come for her baby to be born. Joseph arose and busied himself at once to make her as comfortable as possible. But where would he put the new baby when it came? There was no time to spare. Joseph was thinking fast. He looked at one of the cows’ mangers on the door near Mary’s bed. This would have to be the crib.

Joseph smoothed the hay still left in the manger. On top he spread out a soft piece of sheepskin for a blanket. When the new baby was born, Joseph wrapped it up and laid it gently in this manger crib. Before long the babe was sleeping snug and warm under the soft blanket, while Mary, his Mother, lay beside him, her heart brimful of peace.

THE VISIT OF THE SHEPHERDS

Now, that very night, in an open field out on a hillside a mile or so from the town, a few shepherds were sitting around a blazing fire. Some were sleeping while others kept sharp watch of every moving thing on the hillside lest a wolf or a bear sneak up in the dark and climb the wall into the sheepfold.

But it was not a wolf or a bear that surprised these shepherds that night. A shining angel suddenly flew down from the sky and lighted on the ground beside them. On seeing him, the shepherds screamed with fright.

“Be not afraid,” said the angel softly, “for I have come to bring you good news that will make glad all the peoples of the world. This night a child has been born in Bethlehem, who is going to be that great person you have all been hoping would some day free your nation and bring you peace. This child shall be your King.”

While the angel was still speaking to the shepherds, the sky began to glow with light. Instead of one angel, there appeared high in the sky many angels and all began singing together. The beautiful chorus seemed to fill the whole wide sky. And the words of the angels’ song sounded clear and strong.

“Glory to God in the highest! Glory to God in the highest!” the angels sang. “And on Earth peace and goodwill among men.”

As soon as the song was ended, the angels disappeared just as suddenly as they had come. The shepherds were once more left sitting alone in the darkness around the fire. Nothing else seemed important to them now except to go at once and see this thing that the angels had said had happened. The child must be somewhere in Bethlehem. They must find him.

Forgetting everything else–even their sheep and the wild beasts that might break into the fold–the shepherds hurried off to Bethlehem. Nor was it difficult, when once they were in the town, to find the little half-room on the hillside opening onto the road. Perhaps it was the flickering lights from the two small lamps that pointed the way. Perhaps it was the sight of Joseph moving about doing this and that for Mary and the babe. Perhaps it was the thin little cry of the newborn babe that gave them the hint.

But how surprised they were to find cows and the mother side by side and the baby lying in a manger crib! Could this really be the babe who would some day be a King! It seemed impossible, yet they felt it was true.

The shepherds told Joseph and Mary the whole story of what had happened to them as they were keeping watch over their sheep. The two listened and wondered at the things the shepherds said.

When at last the men were satisfied that they had really seen the wonder child, they left to go back to the hillside and to their sheep. When once outside the quiet, sleeping town, they sang their hearts out for joy.

Long after the shepherds had gone, Mary kept thinking again and again of the story they had told. Over and over she said to herself the words: “Peace on Earth and good will among men.” Would her little boy some day really make these things come true?

THE STAR IN THE SKY

In a country far off, three wise men were sitting together upon the roof of their house, looking up at the stars in the sky. Night after night for years, they had been studying the skies in this same way. Many of the stars were like old friends to them. These wise men knew all the stars that always stayed in clusters and they knew equally well those other stars (or planets, as we call them) that move more quickly and alone across the sky.

In times long ago it was thought to be very important to study the stars, because people believed that God put the stars in their places in the sky in order to tell people on the Earth about important things that were going to happen. If a new star appeared in the sky, one that the wise men had never seen before, they immediately thought that something new and important had just happened or was about to happen on the Earth.

That night, as these three wise men were sitting on the roof watching the sky, they saw a new bright star where they had never seen such a star before.

“What can this star mean?” they asked. “Something important has just happened somewhere on the Earth. What can it be? Where has it happened?”

“I know,” said one of the three wise men finally. “A child has been born who is going to be a very great and good man.”

“But who can the child be? And where has he been born?” The three wise men talked about it long into the night. At last they came to this conclusion. “The child who has been born is going to become the King of the Jews. He will be that greatest of all Kings for whom the Jews have long been hoping–the King who will bring peace everywhere.”

Now when once the men felt sure, their next thought was that they must go at once to Palestine and search for this child until they found him. That very night each one of the three men decided on the kind of present he would take to give to the new baby.

The next morning, they filled many bundles with food and supplies for a long journey. Toward evening; they saddled their camels, hoisted their bundles and themselves upon the camels’ backs and off they went, toward the west in the direction of the land of Palestine. It was no short or easy journey across miles of hot desert sands. During the heat of the daytime they set up a tent and rested under its shade. During the coolness of the night they rode forward with the bright stars to give them light.

Every night they watched for the special new star they had seen from their own rooftop. And every night the star came out, like a cheerful companion on their long and lonely journey. The strange thing about that star was that each night it seemed to move along just a little ahead of them as if it were pointing in the direction in which they should go. So the three men rode along on their camels, believing the star was leading them.

Finally, strange as it seems, when the men reached the town of Bethlehem, the star seemed to stop moving, and to hang still in the sky just over the little town. And, stranger still, the star seemed to hang directly over a certain house on a certain street. The three wise men believed they had found the right place, knocked on the door, and Joseph welcomed them in.

Immediately on seeing the little babe lying in his mother’s arms, the three men fell on their knees before them and began to thank God. One by one, each pulled from a bag hanging to his belt the gift, which he had brought. The first gave the baby a piece of gold. The second pulled out a package of incense that would make a sweet smell when it burned. And the third gave the babe some perfume. Mary and Joseph could scarcely believe what their eyes saw. They could not find the words they felt like saying. All they could do was to ask:

“Who are you? Where have you come from? Why are you doing these things?” Then Mary and Joseph heard the wonderful story of the new star that the men had seen in the sky and how it had guided them all the way to Bethlehem.

Although the strangers had much to tell, their visit seemed very short. Mary and Joseph were still in a daze as they stood in the doorway and watched the three men on their three camels pass down the street and out of sight.

When indoor and alone with their babe, the two could talk again. Did not the strangers know that Joseph was just a poor carpenter? And that Mary was only the daughter of a village farmer? How could their baby ever be a King?

This, then, is the old, old wonder tale about the birth of Jesus. What really happened no one can now know.

We do know, however, that this child of Mary and Joseph never became a King. Nor did he ever wish to be made a King. Jesus was a poor man by choice. When he was grown, he did not even have a home he could call his own. He was a teacher who traveled from town to town, teaching people how to live and what being good and doing right ought to mean.

Most of those who lived in that long-ago time have been forgotten, but Jesus is still remembered. Millions of people the world over still talk about Jesus. There are a great many people who even think about Jesus every single day. Stories that Jesus told almost two thousand years ago are still being told, both to grownups and to children. There are a great many people who think that Jesus was greater than any King who ever lived. They think Jesus was great and good–even as good as God. Jesus’ birthday is still celebrated. It is called Christmas Day, which means the birthday of the King.