Kay Anderst
CLF Member, incarcerated in KS

When I read that April’s theme was Transformation, I decided that it was time to share my story with the world for the first time. 2024 is a big year for me, as I have begun the Male to Female (MtF) transition process. It took a lot of prayer and soul searching to get to where I am now.

My journey begins in rural South Dakota. My parents are immigrants, I am a first generation American. We are of Eastern European and Jewish descent, so old Testament laws and morals were imprinted into me as I grew up. There was right and there was wrong with no shades of gray or alternate choices. The result of this strict upbringing was inner turmoil as I got older. I saw that my orientation and gender identity were not compatible with what I had been taught.

How can God love me, I thought, when every thought and action I took were tainted by sin? Why did He make me so broken, so against everything He wanted mankind to be? These questions haunted me every time I tried to pray.

In my 20s I turned away from God completely, going years without a single prayer. I embraced a bisexual identity and found a measure of happiness. After a time, I figured out that I was transgender, and it was only then did the pieces start to fall into place.

I was then angry with God. How could he do this to me? Was he asleep at the switch the day I was born?

My turning point came when a woman I was dating told me something. She said that God didn’t make mistakes, and that He put me here on earth because she liked girls like me. I was like this to be there to love her. Something else she pointed out was that there were millions like me, all through history. Would God have allowed so many of us to be made if not by his will?

This happened right before I came to prison. While it helped me make the final decision to make the MtF conversion, I have spent the last 4 years in hiding, biding my time until I felt it was safe enough to come out into the light. While difficult, God has helped me through this dark time. My personal relationship with Him is the strongest it’s been in my entire life.

So now is my time for change and transformation. It’s not an overnight process; in fact it will take a couple years. I will face many challenges ahead, but I know that what I do is by design. This is what He wanted of me. This place, this prison, is no longer my place of confinement.

It is now God’s tool of transformation and change. I am right where I need to be. I will emerge from this cocoon in 2 years and like a butterfly, I will be free to live the life and be the woman he always wanted me to be.

If anyone reading this is contemplating similar choices, or has been down this road before, your welcome to share your story with me.

You may contact me at: Kay Anderst 18611-273, PO Box 1000 USP 2, Leavenworth, KS 66048.

To all members of the Church of the Larger Fellowship, Unitarian Universalist:

Per Article VII, Sections 1 and 2, of the Church of the Larger Fellowship (CLF) Bylaws, the 51st Annual Meeting will be held via video/telephone conference call and screen sharing on Sunday, June 16, 2024 at 6:45PM EDT/3:45PM PDT. RSVP to attend the meeting at www.clfuu.org/joinannualmeeting.

All those who have access to the Internet or phone are encouraged to join our meeting via Zoom and participate in the discussion. Meeting materials will include absentee ballots for those unable to attend in person. Please send your ballots to our office at the address on the ballot so we receive them no later than Friday 6/14/24 to ensure your vote can be included in our process..

We will send the meeting materials in April. All incarcerated members will automatically be sent paper copies of the meeting materials and do not need to send us a materials request form.  All free world members will be automatically be emailed the materials as an electronic document. If we don’t have an email address we will send a printed copy. Meeting materials will also be posted on our website (www.clfuu.org/annualmeeting). Free world members who would prefer a printed copy sent to them may request that by sending back the form on the final page of this issue of Quest, or calling the CLF office at 617-948-6150.

The purpose of the meeting is to:

– Report on highlights of CLF activities and finances

– Vote for the following leadership positions (see nominations from Nominating Committee in the packet):
· Elect three members to 3-year terms on the board of directors,
· Elect one member to 2-year term on the board of directors to fill a term vacated before the term was finished,
· Elect one member to 1-year term on the board of directors to fill a term vacated before the term was finished,
· Elect one member to a 3-year term on the nominating committee,
· Elect one member to a 1-year term on the nominating committee to fill a term vacated before the term was finished,,
· Elect a clerk and treasurer for one year

We will elect a moderator from among members present to preside at the meeting.

One of the important tasks we undertake as a congregation is voting for our elected leadership, and my hope is that as many members of the congregation will participate as possible.

Aisha Ansano, Board Chair

What does it mean to be pluralistic in our beliefs?

Jack
CLF member, incarcerated in MA

Is God an old man in flowing robes with a long beard who looks down from on high? A Lord and Lady offering blessings to those in worshiping circles? A pantheon of Gods, each representing another face of a Supreme Being? Or Gaia, Mother Earth, in which we and all were created?

Is Jesus a prophet? The long awaited Messiah? A forerunner of Mohammed? An issuer of great wisdoms like the Buddha? On the son of a supreme being — but then aren’t we all sons and daughters of the Supreme Being?

Is Heaven a place of pearly gates, streets of gold, food aplenty, where we all learn to play harps and praise our God; a place where all earthly pleasures are ours? Is Hell a place of fire and brimstone, a land of ice and perpetual cold, where our earthly bodies are eternally tormented?

Is Heaven and Hell the legacy we leave behind, the kindnesses we showed, the ones we befriended, fought, touched, challenged to be better, to show love for all? Or is it the pain we left behind to be suffered generation after generation?

Does it really matter? Does it really matter how we envision a thing beyond human comprehension? Does it really matter what happens to our earthly bodies after death? Does it matter what name we use for those forces of creation?

Names come and go. Visions change as our lives change and evolve from a primitive society living on the land to a people of computers, space travel, and seeking to understand the stars.

What does matter is how we lived our lives, how we respected each other, and how we had reverence for all creation of the heavens and the earth. What does matter is not what we will gain or suffer after death but the legacy we leave for future generations. Will they show the love we shared or the pain we caused?

The future of and those who live beyond us is not written in stone—yet—but you are the sculptor with the hammer and chisel who will write it. What will you write? 

Jacob
CLF Member, incarcerated in AR

Pluralistic is, by definition, holding to the doctrine of pluralism, which is accepting and embrace diversity in all of its forms. The act of accepting and encouraging diversity leads to a better acceptance and love for others. It helps us to remember the fact that the Divine is Love; accepting others and their differences is a step to acting in Love and embodying the true essence of Love.

A Utopian Crucible

Lauren Silverwolf
CLF member, incarcerated in TX

Oxford defines pluralism as, “the acceptance within a society of a number of groups with different beliefs or ethnic backgrounds.” This does not sound like the world we live in today, but it does sound like somewhere I would bleed to see become a reality.

I joined the U.S. Army at the age of 18, straight out of high school. I was an Airborne Infantryman, and I swore to defend the Constitution. What I wanted was to defend the principles of being truly free, of being accepting of all who came to us, and of being what we proclaimed ourselves to be in word, although never truly in deed. I would love nothing more, and I would serve again to defend a truly pluralistic society.

I would like to introduce two more terms to define what this would look like: utopia and crucible. Again, we go to Oxford: utopia is defined as, “an imagined world or society where everything is perfect,” and crucible is defined as, “a container in which metals or other substances may be melted or heated.”

This may seem completely out of context, but think of a society like the crucible. If we melt together, we become one out of many, and if we could coexist in this manner, most of our reasons for war or violence would diminish, creating a utopia. Pluralism seems far off, to my eye at  least, but I believe it is achievable. The day we see it, we live truly in a Utopian Crucible.

The Unitarian Universalist Society of San Francisco hangs this banner in support of a permanent ceasefire now. The banner is from the Interfaith coalition of Faith Communities across the San Francisco Bay Area. Photo credit: Aisha Hauser

Recently, several people have taken the time to write to us about the ways in which we talk about Israel and Gaza, especially on our weekly talk show, Voices of Unitarian Universalism (aka The VUU). I thought that our wider community would be interested in my response.

It is correct to say that the CLF Lead Ministry Team has taken a clear stance on the current state of the conflict. We believe strongly that the preservation of life is the value that should be most paramount. I have been taught by Jewish teachers that this value is in line with the highest teachings of Judaism. We believe that all lives are worthy of preservation, even if all lives are not equally threatened by violence at present.

We also believe strongly that those with the most power to preserve life have the most obligation to do so. On a recent show of The VUU, my co-minister Christina Rivera eloquently spoke about the power imbalance present right now in Gaza, and why our stance is that Israel needs to be responsible for a cease-fire. Some have noted that Chris made them think; for this we are grateful.

We have not taken a stance on Zionism, nor will we; it is simply not our place as non-Jewish people. We understand why criticizing the actions of the State of Israel might make it seem as if we have done so, but we are clear that the actions of Israel are not on behalf of Jewish people everywhere. We have strongly opposed anti-Semitism in all of its forms, as we oppose all forms of hatred, oppression, and violence.

We have invited Jewish UUs onto the show who share our viewpoint on the abhorrent ways in which current Israeli leadership is dehumanizing Palestinians, abrogating treaty obligations, and murdering innocents. To be frank, we don’t want to feature voices who might support that. I don’t think that academically debating the term “genocide” is worthwhile as hospitals and refugee camps are being bombed. It’s a strong word on purpose.

We are committed to continuing this dialogue in the future. We are working on having Jewish UUs speak on The VUU about the ways in which anti-Semitism is rearing its ugly head around the world. When we do so, we will invite people who have been chosen by Jewish UU communities as leaders.

We hope that the CLF community appreciates the values with which we have come to these positions. We hope that you will continue to let us know how we can live out those values, when we agree and when we disagree with each other.

Interdependence has been a central concept to our Unitarian Universalist faith since our current principles were adopted in 1985, and yet, too often Unitarian Universalists have focused on the implications this has for our relationship with the natural world around us, without understanding that we, too, are part of that web.

What does it mean to acknowledge our place in the web of all existence?

Our Universalist ancestors taught us that we all end up in the same place when we die. Centuries ago, they meant that all souls would be in heaven, but I like to expand this theology and filter it through my scientific brain.

I am regularly stopped in my tracks by the unfathomable beauty of this notion that we are inextricably bound to one another. All of our being ends up in the very same place when we die—the same place it came from in the first place, the same pool of atoms and energy that has created all life since the formation of our Earth, the same protons and neutrons that will create all life for the duration of our planet’s existence.

We are one with the stars. With the planets. With the oceans and mountains and ice caps. With the forests and the deserts and the fauna running through them. We are also one with one another. This unity of existence has profound implications for how we live. We need to learn together to make decisions that consider the other beings with whom we share our fragile planet.

The theological notion of interdependence exists in relationship with other parts of who we are, and the most important has yet to be inserted into our principles. The most important concept that interdependence relies upon is accountability.

When we are accountable to someone or something, we hold ourselves responsible to them. When we are accountable, we allow others to measure our success. In justice work, we talk about accountability to those who are most vulnerable, those who are oppressed, those who are the targets of discrimination and hatred.

When we practice accountability in justice work, we take instructions from those who are most effected by the work we are doing.  When we practice accountability, we learn to live the tenets of interdependence.

We understand that climate change is changing our oceans. Carbon dioxide is acidifying them, hotter temperatures are melting ice and causing sea level rise. We understand that we are interdependent with the beings of the ocean, and that our fate as humanity requires that we address their fate.

What does it mean to be accountable to them, though? What does it mean to be accountable to the people of Kiribati, whose island nation is disappearing under the sea? How do we live understanding that our actions might determine whether or not they have a home in a decade?

We understand that modern agricultural systems are wreaking havoc on our planet, on its soil, on its beings, on pollinators and birds and animals. We feel our interdependence with the earth when we eat. What does it mean to be accountable to this knowledge?  How do we change our behaviors to take into account the needs of those most vulnerable to this change?

At CLF, we also understand that the addiction of dominant U.S. culture to mass incarceration is a direct descendant of the systems of oppression that founded this country. The United States began with slavery and genocide and continued into an era of terrorism at the hands of private individuals, and now it is the government itself practicing that violence.

We ask ourselves often what it means to be accountable to our incarcerated siblings, who are the targets of this violence. We ask ourselves often what it means to be accountable to Black and brown communities torn apart by systems of injustice. And now we are asking how our larger faith movement might be accountable to the voices of our incarcerated UU members. It changes the way we do things to practice that accountability.

I have heard some recently say that accountability is something they fear—because accountability requires those of us with power in this world to exercise that power as power-with, and not as power-over. It requires us to take directions, to listen, to understand relationship.

Instead of being something to fear, however, I invite us to think about accountability as the way in which we live our commitment to interdependence.