Wedding Ceremonies
There is no one “right way” to structure a wedding ceremony, but there are ways to create a pleasing flow that allow you to most powerfully express you love and commitment. Just as ingredients are added in a general order when cooking, your wedding will be a more meaningful and enjoyable experience for you and the congregation if you give careful thought to how it will unfold.
Here is a typical traditional wedding ceremony to help couples start thinking about what you would like. Feel free to add, remove, embellish, and rearrange elements according to your wishes and the suggestions of your officiant.
Note: Some churches and officiants consider weddings to be an extension of their worship tradition and, as such, may only perform weddings using a set ceremony. Check with your officiant for details.
For more information about weddings in general, see Weddings 101.
Weddings 101
Now that you’ve made the decision, it’s about time to start thinking about the wedding. Weddings come in many shapes and sizes: big and small, formal and casual, and they join couples of many kinds in many places with many different types of people officiating.
What is a Wedding?
A wedding celebrates the love shared between two individuals. It is also the ceremonial act during which two people commit to one another publicly. A wedding is a joyous occasion, a day of recognition and affirmation of the great love a couple shares. It provides a way for the couple’s community to affirm their support for that relationship and the family the couple builds together, and for the couple to affirm the importance of their community in upholding their life together. And even beyond that, a wedding is a sacred ritual that reminds us that the Holy is present wherever there is great love.
Marriage both acknowledges an emotional bond between two people, and strengthens that bond one that is made in the company of a community of people, usually family and friends that acknowledge that bond and agree to support the couple in their joined lives. While weddings can and should be fun, they are also one of the most important occasions in a couple’s life together, and they can get complicated. Yet even with this “stressful adventure,” a wedding ceremony is a unique and beautiful celebration that expresses all that is in the hearts of the couple, their friends and their families.
Memorial Services
Whatever may happen after death, we know that our lives continue on in the memories of those who loved us, and whose lives we touched. Memorial services are celebrations of life, at time to honor the loved one who has passed, and to affirm the bonds of community, memory and hope that sustain us in sorrow. Memorial services bring healing most powerfully when they call to mind the full reality of the person who has died, treasuring the person’s gifts and honestly acknowledging their failings. The leader of the service can create a narrative of the deceased life by listening to stories that family members and close friends have to tell and weaving those stories and the themes they bring out into the eulogy. However, it is also powerful to invite those in attendance to share their own stories, memorializing the person who has died in a very personal way.
Below are examples of elements you may wish to include in a memorial service.
Coming of Age
Across religions and cultures people honor the transition from childhood to adulthood with ritual. For Unitarian Universalists this coming of age ceremony is usually the culmination of a process that involves the young person meeting with a mentor, studying the history of our liberal faith and, most importantly, creating a statement of beliefs to share with their congregation. Rather that asking young people to affirm a creed, we ask them to think carefully about what they hold to be true, and the principles that guide their choices. Families which do not belong to local congregations may, however, wish to create a ceremony with and for a young people who are coming into their full capacity to choose their religious beliefs. Also, check out this podcast from The VUU where our guests talk about Coming of Age.
Below are examples of various elements you may wish to include in a coming of age ceremony.
Baby/Child Dedications
When a child joins a family through birth or adoption, not only is that family forever changed, but also the community in which that family lives is widened and enriched. Because baptism is conceived of as a sacrament that washes away the stain of original sin, and Unitarian Universalists affirm the inherent worth of every person rather than their innate sinfulness, we do not baptize children (or adults). We do, however, ceremonially welcome babies and older children into this world, and into the community which holds them, offering our lifelong commitment to the nurture of each child. A baby dedication is a joyful ritual which affirms that each new person is a gift and which celebrates the covenant of family and community.
Below are examples of various elements you might wish to include in a baby dedication ceremony.
