When the Chaplain Gets Killed
Last night I had dinner at the Goetz Dining Facility (DFAC) at Forward Operating Base (FOB) Walton, which is a short helicopter flight from Kandahar, Afghanistan. Before the meal, I raised a “near beer” (non alcoholic) with a chaplain colleague to toast Dale Allen Goetz, the Army chaplain after whom the DFAC is named. Chaplain Goetz died in Afghanistan on August 30, 2010, not far from FOB Walton, and is the only military chaplain from the United States killed in action since 1970, when Phillip Arthur Nichols was killed in Vietnam.
I remember when I got the news that Chaplain Goetz had been killed. I was in the passenger seat of our family mini-van, my wife was driving, and our five kids were in the back. We were on our way back from a vacation in the Adirondack Mountains of New York. I was a few months short of accessioning as an Army chaplain, and the whole family was beginning to prepare for my first deployment to Afghanistan, which at that time seemed likely to happen sometime before spring. The notification came to my Blackberry from the Department of Defense List serve: “Captain Dale A. Goetz was killed when his vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb.” The notice said nothing about Captain Goetz being Chaplain Goetz, but a quick search of his name on Google revealed a more complete story.
When I learned Dale Goetz was a chaplain my gut tightened and I wanted to vomit. My first thought concerned my own mortality: I had not until that moment acknowledged the real risk I would face going to Afghanistan as a chaplain. The next thought was about the unit served by Chaplain Goetz — the soldiers of the 1-66 Armored Battalion of the Fourth Infantry Division. When a soldier dies, the unit turns to their chaplain for comfort, hope and guidance. Their chaplain performs the memorial ceremony for the unit, and provides grief counseling to individuals. In the horror of war the chaplain is a reminder to many of a loving and compassionate God who is present even amidst terrible suffering. But what does it mean when the chaplain gets killed? How do soldiers cope with the existential angst that must arise from such a tragedy — the very angst, which in the moment I heard the news, was making me nauseous.
When the chaplain gets killed some will face one of life’s most perennial questions: why do bad things happen to good people? When the chaplain gets killed some will question the invincibility of “the armor of God” (Ephesians 6: 10-18) which fails to protect God’s very own representative. When the chaplain gets killed some will face the dreadful realization that we are all vulnerable and nobody is really safe. When the chaplain gets killed — the chaplain who is a non combatant and carries no weapon — some will ask where is justice? Where is fairness? When the chaplain gets killed some will examine previously held assumptions: “God is on our side,” “God will protect us,” “God will not let anything bad happen to us,” and “In God we trust,” — and perhaps reject long held beliefs.
Yes, when the chaplain gets killed many will suffer moral injury — defined by Jonathan Shay as “a betrayal of what is right.” And sometimes a moral injury can be the most debilitating wound of war — the wound that is most difficult to heal. To heal from moral injury we need to give meaning to tragedy which might otherwise be inherently meaningless. I have made the tragic killing of Chaplain Goetz meaningful to me by reflecting on his death, examining some of my assumptions, and correcting false views. I am glad for the simple memorial of the Goetz DFAC at FOB Walton, which reminds me of his death, and the sacrifice made by his wife, Christy, and their three sons. I thank and honor Dale Allen Goetz for helping me, in his death, move beyond self deception towards a more right view of warfare and a greater reverence for life.
Disclaimer: All entries to CLF/Quest Military Ministries page reflect the personal views of the contributor. The views expressed here are in no way to be construed as an individual or individuals speaking in their official capacities for the agencies, departments, or service branches they serve in. This is not an official publication of the Department of Defense, the U.S. Army, U.S. Navy, U.S. Coast Guard, U.S. Marine Corps, U.S. Air Force, any government agency, or any other organization.
Justice for Military Families
As newlyweds (married in June at North Parish of North Andover in Massachusetts), we have done our fair share of paperwork. The process of changing names (I took her last name, if you’re curious), joining finances, and other efforts have proven to be both challenging and exciting as we start our lives as a married couple. But of all the paperwork we have completed in the past few months, the most important has been the documentation to prepare for this deployment. The system of filing paperwork as a married couple when your marriage is not recognized on the federal level leaves much to be desired.
People think that because “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) has been repealed, that gay and lesbian troops are treated equally in the military, but this is far from the truth. The system is simply not equipped to deal with the variance in state and federal marriage laws, or accommodate same-sex partners of servicemembers. Needless to say, I see this not only as a personal issue, but also as a civil rights issue, and one that reflects our need for reform as a society. This is an issue of justice and equality.
As a person of Unitarian Universalist faith, I affirm the expression of love and commitment for many types of families. With the repeal of DADT, a big hurdle has been cleared in the ability of servicemembers to fully be themselves. But there is much work still to be done. The reality is that military personnel do not serve alone; their families also serve. Unfortunately, many of those families serve invisibly because the system is not set up to acknowledge them yet.
This month I will join hundreds of others in similar situations as we lobby in D.C. for equal rights for same-sex partners of military servicemembers. This is an effort to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, and educate our representatives about how current policies harm our families. I will be speaking as a person of Unitarian Universalist faith, and as a military spouse whose wife is deployed. I pray that my voice is heard.
As Theodore Parker once asserted, I truly do believe that the arc of the Universe bends toward justice. My hope is that, someday, all families of U.S. military personnel will be fully acknowledged, and that all same-sex partnerships are acknowledged on a federal level. Until that day, I believe that we are called as people of faith, as Unitarian Universalists, to spread the good news of our faith and its radical acceptance of GLBT persons and their families. We offer a unique perspective that affirms diversity, and we need to join the conversation! Yes, there is an arc that bends toward justice. And we have the opportunity to push it closer and closer to its goal.
Becoming a Military Wife
I am a military wife.
This is an identity I never anticipated claiming. The daughter of a father who was drafted during Vietnam, I have not always held the military in the highest esteem. Even when I worked at the VA with veterans of all ages, I did not envision myself as married to a servicemember in a million years! I have always respected military servicemembers, and appreciated their service. But to be honest, I really had no interest in being part of that system! And yet, years later, I claim this identity with admiration and appreciation for my spouse and her commitment to service as a Captain in the United States Air Force Reserve.
Life works in mysterious ways, and is constantly stretching me. When I fell in love with Susan, it became clear that the military would become part of my life. While this is not always easy, I know that her status as a “future-minister’s wife” is no walk in the park either! But each of us feels called to our vocations, and it is amazing to have a partner who understands what it feels like to be called. And, as a friend of mine described perfectly, it is a voluntary military and a voluntary marriage. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.
I write this entry at the beginning of a new journey for us, one week after Susan began a 6-month deployment to Afghanistan. This deployment came as a bit of a surprise to us, as it was originally planned to start in October. Needless to say, it has been an adjustment to have her away. But life is one big adjustment, isn’t it? Just when we feel comfortable somewhere or with someone, things shift. What a ride!
And so, I have joined the ranks of thousands of other women and men who are spouses and partners to servicemembers in the United States Armed Forces. It is not a role I completely understand as of yet, and I learn at least one new thing every day about what is expected and necessary for the support of such a calling. I am learning how to respond to people’s questions about where she is, and why she serves. I am learning how to explain what it is like to have my spouse on the other side of the world on a base in a place that is fraught with violence and conflict. And I am learning how to be there for her, and provide support and love across the miles and time zones and technical difficulties.
And I have come to learn that I have more in common with “military wives” than I once thought. I’m related to some of them! When my father was drafted during Vietnam, he and my mother were married two weeks before he left for a 6-month tour. And years before that, my aunt and uncle were married just before my uncle left to serve on a submarine for a 6-month tour. Both of their marriages are still strong, and loving, and solid after 50 and 42 years, respectively. So when other military spouses tell me that this deployment will make my marriage stronger, I can’t help but believe them.
The next six months will bring challenges, as all experiences in life do. But they will also offer opportunities for reflection, appreciation, and transformation.
Broken Expectations
When I was a kid, my family called me the count. Whenever I was bored, I would count things. I counted all the lights in the sanctuary of my church, all the cars going the other way on the road, and all the birds eating stale bread off our deck. I would occasionally announce to my family, “there are 11 birds out there.” They would smile, look knowingly at each other, and tell me that was nice.
I wonder if my announcements changed them at all. I wonder if it influenced how they saw the single sparrow, when I announced there were 10 just like it fluttering nearby. At the time, I was so excited at my ability to gather this data that I felt compelled to announce it to anyone who happened to be nearby. I never thought about the effect I could have on the people around me by announcing the results of my count.
I am having a spiritual crisis. I am losing my grip on my expectations. At first, I thought my life had become too segregated; I was simply surrounded by too many people like me. But I think the problem is deeper.
The Journey to Marriage Equality
“Here is a place to bring your whole self and find sanctuary, nurturing, replenishment, love, and faith in the world we can and will build together.”
Unitarian Universalists stand as a beacon of love and hope during a national debate on LGBT rights. Our faith supports the inherent worth and dignity of every person, with no exceptions. Whether you are single or in a relationship, we believe that love is a gift from God. We also believe that loving couples of all kinds should be able to marry.
This belief is lived out within each person’s own personal call to faith, among congregants who gather for worship and service, and out in the world working for social change. The Unitarian Universalist campaign, Standing on the Side of Love, is described on their web site as, “a public advocacy campaign that seeks to harness love’s power to stop oppression.” It continues with, “No one should be dehumanized through acts of exclusion, oppression, or violence because of their identities.”
Losing a Job
We Are Not Moving On
We are not moving on
we are embracing our mourning
we are sad enough to know we must laugh again
no one deserves a tragedy
we are better than we think and not quite what we want to be
we will continue to invent the future
we will prevail—Nikki Giovanni (2007)
Unitarian Universalists affirm the inherent worth and dignity of all human beings. Inherent means that worth is not dependent on what we do or what we have. It is simply part of our being. We are part of the interdependent web and we have value.
Accepting Help
“We hear all the time that it is blessed to give. Sometimes, though, we give a blessing when we allow ourselves to receive from others.”
Our Unitarian Universalist 7th principle tells us that we are not alone, that we are part of an interdependent web of existence. Our theology tells us that it is not enough to take care of our own lives, we are also called to build the beloved community through our relationships with others. Deservedly, we take pride in our willingness to reach out to others, to help someone in need.
These are noble ideas to which we aspire. Sometimes, though, we are faced with a different type of call—the call to receive the help and support of others.
When we are the ones who need help, it may feel like our worth and dignity are at stake. We mistakenly feel that to receive help is to lose our dignity. But allowing others to minister to us affirms the worth of all involved.
Claiming Atheism
“When I became convinced that the universe is natural—that all ghosts and gods are myths—there entered into my brain the joy of freedom. I was free: free to think, to express my thoughts; free to live for myself and those I loved; free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope; free to reject all ignorant and cruel creeds; free from the fear of eternal pain; free from sanctified mistakes and holy lies; free from devils, ghosts and gods. There were no prohibited places in all the realms of thought; no following another’s steps; no need to bow, or cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words.”
—Robert Ingersoll
A study conducted by the University of Minnesota found that atheists ranked lower than “Muslims, recent immigrants, gays and lesbians and other minority groups” in ‘sharing my vision of American society.’ Atheists are also the minority group most Americans are least willing to allow their children to marry.
This kind of prejudice makes it difficult for those of us who have rejected traditional religion, or perhaps were never taught conventional religious concepts, to be open about our beliefs.
Living with Mental Illness
“The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”
—Albert Camus
Sisyphus was a Greek god famous for his trickery and deceit. When he died he was condemned by the gods to roll an enormous rock to the top of a mountain every day for all eternity. Every day he would roll it up the mountain and then the rock would roll back down to the bottom.
Albert Camus likened Sisyphus to an absurd hero; because he knows what will happen after the rock is rolled to the top, yet he remains content in doing so. What the gods intended as punishment, Sisyphus does not see as such.
Our faith teaches us that we are seekers. There are no definitive answers. There is no correct path. In this way, our faith demands a lot from us. Our faith does not give us a savior, we must find our own.
The same is true of mental illness. It is a journey. There are no definitive answers. There is no correct path. Our illnesses demand a lot from us. There are no universally guaranteed medications or treatments; we must find what works for us.
Surviving Suicide
That which we sow we shall reap:
when we sow our thoughts we reap our actions;
when we sow our actions we reap our habits;
when we sow our habits we reap our character;
when we sow our character we reap our destiny.
—Hindu proverb
Many of us have long since mastered the art of despair. Many of us have fallen into despair’s trance, memorized by thoughts of suicide.
In some religious circles, the act of killing oneself is a subject of great controversy. Some traditions use their power to shun and shame those who have committed suicide and have the audacity to condemn souls into further despair in the afterlife—as if they had such power. These demeaning beliefs are just as harmful as the religions that turn their back on those in this life. As Unitarian Universalists we seek to build a new way, based on acceptance and love.
