Solemn Te Deum for Peace
From Your Minister
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In the dream, I am alone in a round stone tower. I do not want to be there, but I am trapped in its dark, damp, cold, airless space. And then, almost in a whisper, comes a soft voice, “Keep looking…there is a door.…” And suddenly the door is there. I can see light, I can walk out. I am not trapped anymore.
Thank You!
The CLF applauds the vision of the members of the congregations listed below. We are deeply thankful that they have chosen to hold special collections during their services to benefit the CLF’s Prison Ministry. If your bricks and mortar congregation holds special collections, we hope you will consider joining them in supporting this life-changing ministry.
East Shore UU Church
Eliot Unitarian Chapel
First Unitarian Church of Oakland
First Unitarian Church, Omaha
First Unitarian Church, Portland
First Unitarian Church, Rochester
First Unitarian Society of Minneapolis
First Universalist Church of Denver
First Universalist Church, Minneapolis
Fox Valley UU Fellowship, Inc.
Main Line Unitarian Church
Maumee Valley UU Congregation
Rogue Valley UU Fellowship
Unity Church Unitarian of St. Paul
UU Church of Reading
UU Congregation of Atlanta
UU Congregation of Marin
UU Fellowship of Ames
UU Fellowship of Central Oregon
UUs of Clearwater FL, Inc.
West Shore UU Church
On Living (Part I)
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Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness
like a squirrel, for example— Read more →
REsources for Living
What if you had x-ray vision like Superman? What would you use it for? Of course, real x-rays let you see through skin and muscle to the bones underneath, but they wouldn’t let you look through the walls of buildings to see what the villains were up to inside. But never mind. It’s our game of pretend, and we set the rules.
Taking Ownership
Ralph Waldo Emerson once suggested the following: “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
Every moment, every day, holds such possibility. It holds the possibility for love, compassion, and connection with others. It also holds potential for deceit, untruths, and brokenness. Admittedly, most days are a combination of the two sides of this coin, a mixture of “good” and “bad” moments. And yes, it is important not to dwell on those moments when we are not our best selves. Perhaps it is even essential in order for us to live with intention and purpose, to focus on our positive nature and not dwell in the past.
While I appreciate the spirit with which Emerson approaches the need to let things go, I have to take issue with his message. He suggests that we forget our blunders as soon as we can, and begin the next day with “too high a spirit to be encumbered with [our] old nonsense.” But what if that takes longer than a day? Life isn’t a television show where, in 60 minutes time (45 minutes with commercials), an issue arises, blows up, and is resolved. I agree that I shouldn’t dwell on the time I blocked the intersection or sighed impatiently at the person taking too long at the ATM. But what about bigger disagreements? What about those things I did that had a bigger impact?
There are so many instances in our lives when we step on each other’s toes, overstep our boundaries, and say or do things that hurt others. We realize that our decisions, actions, or behaviors have had a negative impact on another person. We realize that we have contributed to the sense of brokenness that exists there, in that moment. Oftentimes we wish we could take it back, turn back the hands of time, behave differently, or choose different words. But, unfortunately, the time has passed and the opportunity to change that moment is gone.
So why is it so difficult to move on from that moment and just make a different decision next time? I think, perhaps, because the brokenness stays with us. We might even try to “get over it” or “let it go”. That is easier said than done.
Our lives are made up of an intricate web of relationships. As humans we are inherently social beings. And when we harm others that foundation of our relationship can be shaken, it can lose its strength. So I suggest an alternative version of Emerson’s statement. I suggest that we strive to start the next day with the resolution that we will strive for connection, take ownership of our wrongdoing, and seek to make amends. I suggest that we atone for the wrongdoing or harm we have caused, for our contribution we have made to the brokenness in this world. Sometimes that isn’t possible in a direct way, but often it is possible in indirect ways.
We cannot dwell on those times of brokenness in our lives, but we must take ownership of them. In doing so, and in being mindful of our actions, we make a commitment to strive toward healing. If right relationship is the goal in our interactions with others, we must take responsibility in maintaining that foundation. Yes, we can move on when we make mistakes, but not without acknowledging the impact they had on others, and striving to make things right.
Tears of Joy
For me, the word “joy” always brings to mind the same thing: tears.
I realize this might not be the logical thought process for most people, and some might even find it strange, but it’s the truth. The idea of joy immediately makes me think of tears. This is because I am what some might call a “crier.” I cry when I’m angry and sad. I cry when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed. But mostly, I cry when I’m joyful. I’m one of those people who cries at my niece’s chorus concerts, or when I found out my good friend had just given birth, or when watching two people make a commitment to one another in marriage. These times of joy bring tears to my eyes, and I am so thankful for that.
It’s like my heart is overflowing with emotion, and the only way for that joy to go is out! So those tears of joy are indicators of abundant love and happiness. They are my way of showing support and love for the people I care about. They help me feel connected to the joyful and happy experiences in life. I think, in some ways, those tears of joy are also reminders of the bittersweet that can come with success or achievement.
Most recently I have been watching videos of soldiers coming home and seeing their dogs for the first time. To be honest, I’m not sure why I do that! Having a spouse deployed is an emotional rollercoaster, and every time I watch one of those videos I long for the day that Susan is home, and our pups see her again. Watching these dogs squeal and jump, wag and give kisses brings such joy into my heart, and I can’t help but cry. There is such a pure love and joy in their responses to seeing the person they love after a long deployment. In those videos, the dogs and the soldiers exude pure joy and appreciation for each other.
I have moments of joy that happen almost every day. Afghanistan is 8 ½ hours ahead of Boston, so my day is essentially on an opposite schedule from my wife’s. We usually get to talk or email twice a day. I feel so blessed to have the ability to stay connected with her in this way. Every time my phone beeps with a message or email (yes, I got a smartphone specifically for this deployment!), my heart starts to beat a little faster. There is nothing like the feeling I get when she writes to me or calls. There is a solid joy in knowing that she is okay. But those times of joy are amplified because of the very true reality that she is not in a safe place right now. That’s the bittersweet I’m trying to explain.
But whether bittersweet or genuinely joyful, I am so thankful for those times in my life when I have felt wholly joyful and happy. There is a necessity in relishing in those times of joy. There is so much suffering in this world, but there is so much joy too. All too often we focus on the negative, or try to keep ourselves under control. My hope for myself, for all of us, is to live in the moment. My hope is to feel the joy, and to let those tears of joy flow. Like those dogs who are swept up in the excitement of reunion and jumping with joy, I hope to grasp the moment and be overcome with joyful emotion.
The Spiritual Act of Complaining
Our culture rewards those who wear an ever-positive attitude. But sometimes, what is honest and right is to express our hurt and anger…to admit “this stinks!”
Optimism is often held up as a cardinal virtue. No matter the situation, we feel we should be plucky, searching for that silver lining, and courageous. With lips trembling, we bravely say, “I’m not going to have a pity party.” We stiffen our shoulders and brace for a hit, a plastic smile on our faces.
Yet the religious faith of Unitarian Universalism is based on authenticity. We encourage people to be their genuine selves in our churches, rather than mouthing things they don’t believe, or pretending to be something other than what they are.
Surviving Suicide
That which we sow we shall reap:
when we sow our thoughts we reap our actions;
when we sow our actions we reap our habits;
when we sow our habits we reap our character;
when we sow our character we reap our destiny.
—Hindu proverb
Many of us have long since mastered the art of despair. Many of us have fallen into despair’s trance, memorized by thoughts of suicide.
In some religious circles, the act of killing oneself is a subject of great controversy. Some traditions use their power to shun and shame those who have committed suicide and have the audacity to condemn souls into further despair in the afterlife—as if they had such power. These demeaning beliefs are just as harmful as the religions that turn their back on those in this life. As Unitarian Universalists we seek to build a new way, based on acceptance and love.
Coming Out in a Conservative Family
“The world is full of suffering; it is also full of overcoming it.”
—Helen Keller
I am honored to be a part of a inclusive religious tradition that values not only the worth and dignity of all people but that also actively seeks to affirm and invite diversity, which is not always the case for those of us who grew up in more exclusive religious paradigms.
There are, still, many religious institutions which cling to a dying worldview that people who are not heterosexual are not normal. Or they take it a step further, and say that lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgendered persons are an abomination to God.
This is a sad and harmful stance, and it leaves a trail of pain and suffering for those who have endured such teachings. Some of us have been able to escape the bonds of belief systems that condemn us through religious hate-speak.
As an “escapee,” I offer you words of comfort: You are not an abomination. You are not flawed. You are good and worthy, and you deserve to live life in an unfragmented fashion—as who you are, knowing that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” that you are loved, and that you deserve to be happy and whole—as well as confident that you deserve to walk your own spiritual path with authenticity.
