Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

People say this step is a great tool in pain management—asking a person to turn her or his will and life over to the care of God, as we understood Him. In my alcoholic bottom I cringed when I first heard this approach. I said, “This is not what Dr. King taught. Dr. King taught people to sacrifice in order to help make the world a better place.”

For me AA’s, “Let Go and Let God,” conjured what Catholic Bishops working on the side of the landed elite told the peasants of Latin America.

“Don’t worry about your brutal poverty. This is God’s plan. Let go and Trust God and you will receive your reward in heaven in the afterlife.”

Similar objections keep many people struggling for years, or an entire lifetime, with the third step.

Personal Story

For the first couple of months after I found AA I looked around to see if I could find a program without this kind of God language. With time I realized that with my need and desire to recover from alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous was the best game in town. I have seen this hold true for many agnostics, atheists and persons of progressive spirituality.

One of the first keys for me to feel at home was to know that I didn’t have to agree theologically with AA literature or folks in the rooms in order to get better and grow. I learned to put aside the metaphysical and ontological debates about God. The literature consistently refers to God as each individual person understands God.

Of course I saw lots of doublespeak. In many places AA literature refers to God as a man – (Him). This gender based, male concept of God never resonated or made any sense to me. I translated this language in a way that respected my spiritual integrity.

Early in my recovery I had a good AA friend who taught me about a core element of the third step when he often said that the only thing you have to know about God is that you are not God. My life felt like I was buried in an avalanche of pain and I didn’t know if any rescue teams would be able to find me. I knew I wasn’t God.

For me it became important to reflect in a more positive way. What do I believe and to what do I dedicate myself? Now, this is how I maintain my theology and live out my faith. I came to believe that God is love and love is God. I believe that there are divine energies of love, courage and hope in this world that are infinitely greater than I.

As a Unitarian Universalist, I draw upon the rich tapestry of theology, which helps us to understand our human relationship with divine mystery and collaborative efforts to fortify justice. We never have to settle for the concept of a separate God who operates over and above us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said that all human being are connected to a God through a transcendent OverSoul. The 18th century Universalist evangelist Judith Sargent proclaimed the oneness of divinity with the “spirits of the human race.”  20th century Unitarian theologian Henry Nelson Weiman said that God was creativity itself.

Universalists and Unitarians have boldly proclaimed that divine powers are within all of creation, including humans. God blesses bountifully and loves every person.

Ultimately I don’t know what of this is metaphor, mystery or just well-intentioned guesses about life.  Many people wish to call the divine by the name community, light, nature, joy or spirit of life. They all work for me.

This leads me to the next aspect of the third step. What does it mean to turn our lives over to the care of God, or light, love, joy and nature?

Nature itself can be pretty indifferent to human beings. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Many of us have pondered why we should risk “turning ourselves over” to a chaotic, unfair universe.

I have come to believe that there is also a gracious goodness in the AA group, the church, the community and the world. If we open ourselves up (or plug ourselves in) we can benefit greatly.

The Buddha sat next to the lotus tree and turned himself over to the oneness of all. The Holy Spirit flows like electricity in this world. The Greeks called this kind of love, agape.

When I pray, count my blessings, celebrate life and help others, I am stronger. This counters the fact that when I seek revenge, only lament my losses, only look inward and sulk I am weaker. The counterintuitive truth is that when we open our hearts and turn ourselves over to the world we are stronger than if we solely rely on self-sufficiency.

Prayer

The beauty and power of the third step culminates with contemplation of the serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I pray to have my compulsion for control lifted from me. I pray to experience acceptance and peace.

Spiritual Practice

Today I will list five ways my need to control has caused pain or problems. Pick one thing to let go of. Whenever it comes into your mind say to yourself “don’t worry. Breathe in peace, breathe out love.”

—Contributed by Kent M. of Philadelphia, PA