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My father was coming to visit for the first time in 14 years. He met my older son ten years ago in Philadelphia. He had never met my 11 year old. It would take a book to tell all the reasons for the distance between us. It is enough to say I was seized up with dread and going in circles strategizing about how to handle it. My son, now 14, is going North to school. He will be an hour from my father, and I am determined that my son will not be hurt by his grandfather’s lack of family skills. My father and his wife and their two children, the ages of my two children, were coming for a short visit. One afternoon, one supper.

The night before the visit I put tenderloins on the grill. In fifteen minutes I went out to check them. They looked great, and I turned them. As I got back into the house, my friend Patt Rocks called and reminded me that her cable show I’d been on as a guest was airing right then. I had been promoting my new CD and talking to her about my new adventures as a singer/songwriter. “We’re darling!” she said. I turned it on. “We are darling,” I said. “You are more darling than I am, but not by much!”  I watched it for the next half hour. When it was over I was smiling, feeling happy. Until I remembered the grill.

I bolted out to the carport and saw the smoke. It smelled like tires burning at a landfill. I pulled up the lid and flames shot up as high as my head. The handles to turn off the gas were nearly too hot to touch. After the gas was off the flames kept licking up higher. The sides of the grill were on fire. I ran to the kitchen to get a pitcher of water, grabbed a ceramic jug with a broken handle that was waiting on the counter to be fixed. I filled it with water and ran back out to douse the flames.

When the smoke cleared I saw the charred remains of the next night’s supper. As I turned to go back in the house, the pitcher slipped and smashed on the concrete floor. The broken handle gashed the knuckle of my little finger, and it began bleeding heavily. At the sink, washing the blood off, I looked up and saw that blood had somehow splattered the wall and the cabinets. I went to sit on the sofa. I had the thought that I was NOT having a good evening.

Telling a friend about it the next day, he said “You made animal sacrifices and splashed blood on the wall of your home. Like Passover! Keeping the Angel of Death from killing your first born son.”

As it turned out, the visit went miraculously well. My father was charming and sweet, his wife was dear, and his children were great. My sons got to meet their grandfather on their home turf, and he got to see the fine human beings they are. I got to sing for everyone and they loved the songs I’d written. For the first time my dad wasn’t critical or judgmental of me and my work. I had done lots of work over the past years letting go of my anger and pain about him. Maybe all that work did some good. Maybe he has been working too.

It felt like a healing time, our one afternoon, our one supper. The angel of death didn’t come to bother any of us. Was it the therapy? Was it the prayers? Was it the sacrifice of meat and the spilling of blood? Some things we may never know.

From Waking up the Karma Fairy: Life Lessons and Holy Adventures, published by Skinner House in 2003, and available through the UUA bookstore or 800-215-9076

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Rev. Meg Barnhouse

Senior Minister at First Unitarian Church of Austin, Texas

Meg Barnhouse grew up in North Carolina and Philadelphia. After graduating from Duke University and Princeton Theological Seminary she spent a chapter of her life in Spartanburg, SC, working first as a college chaplain teaching Public Speaking, Human Sexuality, and World Religions, trying not to get them mixed up. Earning her credentials as a Pastoral Counselor, she ran her own counseling practice while raising her two sons who are now in their twenties.She was active in the community, preaching and teaching in many churches, recording commentaries for NC Public Radio and "Weekend All Things Considered," serving as Interim Minister in several congregations andhelping to found the SAFE Homes Network for battered women. Along the way she earned a second-degree black belt in American Karate. She finished up that southern chapter with seven years as the minister of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Spartanburg.After serving as the Interim Minister at the UU Congregation of Princeton, Meg is now the settled minister at the First Unitarian Universalist Church of Austin.
She travels nationwide as a speaker, singer/songwriter and humorist.Often her partner, award winning singer/songwriter Kiya Heartood accompanies her.

Her books, “Rock of Ages at the Taj Mahal,” “The Best of Radio Free Bubba,” “Waking Up the Karma Fairy,” “Return of Radio Free Bubba” and “Did I Say That Out Loud?” are compilations of stories from the radio. The newest book, "Broken Buddha," is a compilation of columns from the UU World online. Her CD, “July Blue,” is a mix of 12 original songs and 3 stories. TheCD, “Mango Thoughts in a Meatloaf Town,” contains more original songs, including “All Will Be Well.” The CD,"Heart of Compassion," is a collection of Meg reading her favorite stories from her books.Ther fifth book is a collection of stories entitled "Broken Buddha".Meg's latest release is a story for all ages and control freaks called," The Couch of the Grand Kokolorum."

Latest posts by Rev. Meg Barnhouse (see all)

• Managing Mistakes - June 1, 2020
• Joy in Ordinary Time - July 1, 2016
• Be a Stream, Not a Swamp - October 1, 2015