REsources for Living
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How do you feel when you are about to head off to a party? Excited? Eager? Maybe a little bit anxious? For me, heading off into the midst of a group of people, some of whom I don’t know, always makes me a little jittery. Am I wearing the right thing? Am I bringing the right kind (or amount) of food? Will anyone want to talk with me? If people do want to talk with me, will I say the right things?
Of course, hosting a party provides at least as many opportunities for anxiety. Will people come? Will they like each other? Will there be enough to eat? Is there enough room? Is the house clean enough?
The whole situation gives even more reason for worry when the guests don’t know each other well, and there’s even more anxiety when the guests come from different parts of your world. It’s pretty low stress when your book group comes over, but if you’ve invited both your book group and your soccer team, then the odds of people not quite “getting” each other go way up. And if you have a block party and invite over a bunch of neighbors who have nothing more in common than living on the same street, the chances for awkward communication (or no communication at all) go up again. Just imagine if you were giving a party for not only your neighbors, but also for a bunch of people across the country, and even the world!
Well, however you’d feel, that’s how I imagine the people who are planning for the Unitarian Universalist General Assembly this June in Phoenix, Arizona must be feeling. Of course, planning GA is always a big deal. Thousands of UUs from all over gather together for days of worship, workshops, lectures, meetings, decision-making and hanging out together. Planning anything that complicated is always a huge, hairy deal. But this year it’s decidedly hairier.
In case you haven’t heard about this, let me explain. As is the case with most huge events, the location for General Assembly is always chosen a number of years in advance. It’s the only way you can book that much space. So several years ago plans were made, and a bunch of money committed, to have the 2012 GA in Phoenix, Arizona. Then, in 2010, the governor of Arizona signed SB1070 into law, putting into effect policies that many people, including many UUs, felt were unfair and unkind to immigrants in the state. Many people called for a boycott of Arizona, and when SB1070 went into effect a bunch of UUs, including our president, Rev. Peter Morales, were arrested for protesting the law.
So, what to do about existing plans for GA in Phoenix? Some people felt strongly that we should take GA someplace else, even if it cost the UUA a whole pile of money. Some people felt strongly that we should go to Arizona and make our presence and beliefs felt there. Some people felt that setting foot in Arizona would be a betrayal of everything we believe. Some people felt that we couldn’t know what would be happening in the two years between when the law was passed and when GA was scheduled, and that we couldn’t afford to lose all the money we’d committed.
Being UUs, there was a big discussion at General Assembly in 2010, and the compromise (which, as with all compromises, some people loved and some people hated) was that we would go ahead and hold GA in Phoenix in 2012, but that it would be a special General Assembly focused on justice, and that we would work with local partners in Phoenix to try to make a positive difference for immigrants in Arizona.
That’s the kind of party that folks are planning for June this year. And so the GA planners are asking themselves questions like “Will people come?” “Will they like each other?” “Is there enough room for everyone, even if we know that people might disagree on things we care deeply about?” “Is our house clean enough to take on issues of justice and discrimination outside the walls of Unitarian Universalism?” Will there be enough spiritual sustenance for the difficult work?
And I imagine that folks who are thinking about, or planning on, going to GA this year are asking themselves some questions like “Will I say the right things?” “Is what I bring to the table enough?”
It’s not the easy kind of party where you know that just your best friends will be there and everyone will already know the same inside jokes. It’s the challenging kind of party where you really have to push the envelope of offering and receiving hospitality. The kind of party where maybe people speak different languages, as well as having different points of view. The kind of party where the food we have to offer each other might be things we’ve never tasted before. The kind of party where you need to walk up to people you’ve never met and try to find a way to talk about things that matter to both of you—even if you’re not sure just what those things are.
Luckily, there are a few simple rules for being a good host, and a good guest:
- Bring your best to share.
- Catch the eye of someone near you, smile, and be prepared to talk.
- When you speak, tell your truth. When you listen, assume the other person is telling their truth.
- Never miss an opportunity to laugh, unless it involves laughing at someone.
- Be willing to try something you haven’t tried before.
- Even if you’re anxious, show up.
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