REsources for Living
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If you’ve been paying close attention you might remember that back in May I wrote about how it felt a bit odd to be talking about gratitude when it wasn’t November, the month in which we celebrate Thanksgiving.
And yet, here it is November now, and we’re back to the topic of gratitude. What’s up with that? Didn’t we do a good enough job covering the subject back in May?
But gratitude isn’t the kind of subject that you just get done with. Really, gratitude is pretty much the spiritual key to inner peace. Think about it. Was there a time in the last week that you’ve felt grumpy because things weren’t going your way? How about a time recently that you resented a family member because they weren’t being considerate of what you wanted? A time you felt depressed because the world is full of people acting like twits? A time you used more of something than you needed, just because it was convenient?
I think it would be an unusual person who didn’t feel each of these things at some point in the course of any week. But a healthy dose of gratitude might be a cure for them all. Here’s the thing about gratitude. Being grateful starts with admitting that the world and all the people in it aren’t here for our own convenience. Each of us has a tendency to believe, somewhere deep in our hearts, that we are the center of the universe and whatever happens on this planet happens in relation to us. So we get mad at people blocking our way, or we ask, “Why is God punishing me?” or we complain that it’s unfair that we can’t go to a movie the day or week that it opens.
But starting from a place of gratitude means affirming that we don’t necessarily deserve to have things come out the way we wanted them. Everything—from our being alive, to our having food to eat, to our having friends to talk with—is a gift. Every day thousands of people die or go hungry or feel lonely, without deserving their fate any more than do the healthy people who sit down to a Thanksgiving feast with their friends and family. When we remember that we aren’t the center of the universe, and that we aren’t always entitled to have things the way we want them, then every time things do turn out well—well, it’s a reason to be grateful.
So as I’m sitting here at this moment, I can be grateful that I have hands to type with and teachers who taught me to write. I can be grateful for the electricity powering my computer and the amazing fact that this little box can not only record my words, but can also connect me to people literally around the world. (If you’ve grown up with computers in the house you have no idea how amazing this is. I’m not that old, but I can remember our first video game and our first calculator, and I first saw a personal computer when I was in college!) I can marvel at the fact that I had a choice of what I wanted to eat for lunch, and a choice of what room in the house I want to sit in. I can appreciate the fact that I’m able to write whatever I like without having to worry about being arrested for expressing my beliefs and opinions.
Acknowledging that you aren’t the center of the universe, and that the world doesn’t have to be arranged to make you happy is step one. Feeling and expressing gratitude is step two. But Thanksgiving isn’t complete without step three: trying to shape the world toward everyone else being able to enjoy the things we’re grateful for. That’s why the Thanksgiving holiday is a time of food drives for the hungry, and of interfaith worship services that remind us that it’s possible to have a world in which people who have different beliefs don’t have to argue about who is right.
But for Unitarian Universalists, Thanksgiving also marks the beginning of the season of Guest at Your Table Boxes. Have you ever seen a Guest at Your Table box? The Unitarian Universalist Service Committee each year sends participating congregations a bunch of printed cardboard that you assemble into little square boxes. And then you keep that box on your table from Thanksgiving until Christmas, and every day you imagine that the little box is a person you’ve invited to share your good fortune, and you put in money to represent the food you would share with your guest.
And then, come Christmastime, you bring in your box full of money, and your church sends the money from all of the boxes to the UUSC to help in their good work of partnering with people all over the world to build better lives. Of course, if you’re not in a local “3D” church you might never have seen such a box. But that’s okay. Your family can make your own box out of a milk carton or a cottage cheese container, collect money through this season of Thanksgiving, add up the total, and give that amount online to the UUSC.
The feeling of gratitude is a spiritual practice that admits that the world is not arranged for our pleasure and convenience. The practice of sharing and of working for justice is also a spiritual practice—one that admits that we have the power to shape the world we dream of. The balance point between our lack of control and our power to change the world—that’s gratitude.
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