The Gift of Receiving

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I used to have a hard time letting people do anything for me. I’d work on my own house, repair my own car—I will admit, in years gone by that was largely because I couldn’t afford to pay anyone.

But the issue is bigger than that. I had a hard time letting people give me anything. I would demur. I would say “Oh no, no, you needn’t; Thanks, but no thanks.”

I don’t do that much anymore. While I’m not prepared to take just anything from just anyone, I’ve gotten much better at receiving and better about asking. I learned an important lesson a number of years ago. I was humbled into learning to receive.

About a year after I first started attending my home church, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I don’t know that I had even joined the church by then. I knew the people where friendly and I knew some of them liked me. But I didn’t really understand what it meant to be in community with those folks.

After my surgery, all sorts of offers for meals and care-taking came in. My first reaction was to say “No, no, that’s just not necessary, we’ll be fine.” It was rather like stopping a train. Folks just kept insisting on helping, so I gave in. At first, I was just being polite. It was the easiest route, and the food was good.

Then came a call from the wife of our minister emeritus, saying they had been cooking and wanted to drop off some food. Don, at the age of 81, living on the fumes of his retirement money, drove into the driveway. I wanted to meet him at his car but he wouldn’t allow it. I watched this small, frail man get his walker out of the car, and then he turned back to get a basket of food out. I watched this determined man clamber up the front steps to bring us a meal. His effort and determination brought tears to my eyes. Don Kafka taught me the importance of receiving that day.

Don was born in Czechoslovakia and went to Norbert Capek’s church in Prague, where our flower communion ritual was born. During the Nazi occupation, Don was in a forced labor camp in Germany. I don’t know if that had anything to do with why giving was so important to him. But I do know that what I received that day was infinitely more important than the food that fed us.

I want to pass on the lesson Don taught me. There is something powerful in genuine giving. And there is something powerful in truly receiving. Genuine giving calls for genuine receiving. And genuine receiving requires a willingness to be humble. To truly receive means we place a greater focus on the other than on self.

I think we need more receiving and more humility in both our personal and congregational lives. Receiving is a critical part of the natural flow of give and take. Receiving is a necessary component in manifesting our covenantal belief in being in right relation with one another and with the world.

Receiving is a gift we can give to ourselves and to each other. And there’s no way of knowing when such a gift will be given or received. There’s no way to predict where a gift will come from. Years ago, I expected only a basket of food from Don Kafka. I got a life lesson instead.